The Two Year Theory: My Guide To Making Stronger, Lasting Friendships

New semesters mean new friends, and as someone who has moved almost every two years of her life, I have a lot of experience in that department. My dad’s job in the military meant that I constantly had to relocate to a new base, new home, and new school. While this wasn’t always the best, I learned a lot about friendships and how to make the right ones. 

Something I noticed throughout the years is a pattern I call my “two year theory.” Time and time again, it is backed up, with there being very few exceptions; the strongest one being my best friend, Beulah. My theory states that the people you are closest with in your second year of being somewhere are typically the people who are going to stick around for quite a while. Let me explain how this works.

Humans are social creatures, so we naturally crave companionship and community around us. This leads to quickly-made friendships based on proximity, rather than social compatibility. While these friendships can develop into something based on factors other than just distance, most of the time, the friends I make the first year I move somewhere don’t stick around. 

In search of someone to talk to and spend time with, we often choose people who may not be our type of friend. It doesn’t have to be a big problem, and most of the time these friends just drift apart (again, this has some exceptions), but I would say that I like to look for meaningful relationships that will last me a lifetime. 

Note: This, of course, does not apply to what I like to call “surface level friends,” or people you talk to in class or in your hallway. They do not have to be your platonic soulmate, and the fact that most of the time, you just talk about surface level things kind of clues to that. Having “surface level” friends is something that you should do, by the way. You don’t need to spill all of your secrets to everyone you meet.

Why should you listen to what I have to say? Well, knowing that behaviorally, this is typically what people do, this can help you make deeper connections that first year, instead of putting yourself in friendships that you may find draining over time. When you go somewhere new, keep your options open. Don’t go all in on one group the first week because you’re convinced you’ll be “friends forever.” Hang out with a lot of different people, and try to get a feel for their personalities before you really dive into your friendship. If you don’t feel like they are your type of long-term friend, but you still enjoy their company, keep them around in your outer circle. Who knows, maybe you will get closer with them one day! 

For the friends that you do think you click with more on a deeper level, start spending time with them in closer settings. Most importantly, just because you are friends with some people does not mean you have to completely put up a wall when it comes to making new friends. There is always more room for love, light, and positivity in your life, and if they are bringing it, then welcome them in. 

Please remember that I am not a behaviorist, or licensed in any way, shape, or form, so take this with a grain of salt. All of this comes from my observations from moving place to place, and you might notice this pattern in your life, too. Use this knowledge to think carefully about how different friendships you have may be affecting you, and use it for the future when you find yourself somewhere new. 

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