I want to say two things before the article:
1. You may not agree with what I say and it’s totally fine. This article is just my own thoughts.
2. If you are a boy from my past and think this article is about you—then it probably is.
Last week, I wrote about dating and relationships for the first time. To my surprise, many people (more than I thought would) read it. I realized that since my love life is a mess, I probably can share my opinion about questionable guys. So, this week I want to talk about ghosting.
Ghosting is not a new word in today’s dating world anymore. Everyone has their own definition of ghosting. My definition (and I think it’s probably the most common one) is when someone you’re dating/seeing ends the relationship by suddenly disappearing without any explanation. It usually happens in the early stage of a relationship, but it can also happen between two lovers who have been in a serious relationship for a long time. Also, I want to say that not only guys do this; girls do this too.
Being ghosted hurts. I know because I’ve been there. I’ve been ghosted twice. YES, TWICE.
The first guy hurt me really badly. We had a really good time together. Then suddenly, he disappeared. We planned to make food together that weekend. On Friday I asked him when we were going to meet since we hadn’t decided that yet. He said Sunday afternoon, but didn’t say a specific time. Sunday morning, I tried to contact him to know when he would pick me up, but he never replied. He even saw my Snapchat stories the very next day, but he just wouldn’t reply to my messages.
I didn’t know the word “ghosting” at that time. I was super upset. I couldn’t help but wonder what I did wrong. Did I piss him off last time we met? Did I send him too many messages (although actually we only talked a little every day because of his job)? I started to doubt myself. I started to think that I was not good enough so he left without saying “goodbye.” Then, my best friend’s roommate (who is lovely and super nice) told me that he ghosted me.
Days before I started to write this article, I asked Eva Chen, a famous fashion blogger/influencer why some people ghost. She said it is because they don’t know a good thing when they see it, and they are poor communicators and immature. Lucky for me, my friends helped me realized these things not long after he ghosted me. Even if I did something wrong, he could just tell me and say that he didn’t want to see me again. By ghosting me, he just didn’t respect me at all.
Knowing these things, the second guy didn’t hurt me much. I actually texted him trying to let him know that ghosting is the worst—it showed that he had no reaction to me and he could just let me know that he didn’t want to see me again—not to my surprise, he didn’t respond to that message either. (Personally, I assumed that he ghosted me because I thought “The Last Jedi” was a good movie while he thought it was a bad sequel.)
But, after all, why? First of all, many people who ghost think it’s an easy way out because they are afraid of difficult conversations and confrontations. I agree (and I think probably most people agree) that telling a person that you’re not into him/her can be difficult. It might be embarrassing and you might feel guilty. However, this shouldn’t be an excuse to ghost someone. I mean, we can’t always run away—grow up and face the problems. Also, some people don’t think an explanation is necessary because they’re not officially dating, which I totally disagree with. I know we are living in a world where people are accustomed to casual hookup culture; however, a proper breakup is still necessary—this shows respect. Sometimes, people choose to ghost because they are dealing with mental difficulties like depression or trauma.
There is also a small group of people who (still) think ghosting can actually save the other person’s feelings. In fact, by ghosting, you are causing not only just pain, but self-doubt. It is human nature to try to find out an answer or reason for everything, so he/she would be hanging there wondering what they did wrong and why they didn’t see this coming—and the fact that they will never know the answer which makes everything worse.
All in all, you need to remember that being ghosted is NOT your fault. Nine out of ten times, people who ghost are just immature, and they don’t really have a sense of responsibility. When they meet a problem, they choose to escape it instead of handling it.
Unfortunately, in this day and age, ghosting is all too common. However, we need to remember that anyone who would end a relationship through ghosting is never going be the one that you deserve. They’re not worth any time spent doubting yourself or being sad (although I know it’s hard not to be sad). Don’t let anyone take you down. You are good enough and they actually don’t deserve you. AND, they definitely don’t deserve a second chance.
You are LOVED by the world,
Mia (Instagram: @miastylebook)