In general, relationships follow a relatively predictable pattern. Everything is exciting in the beginning and you feel an intense desire to see your new partner every moment of every day–and when you aren’t together you’re thinking about being together. Obviously this is unsustainable. You can’t spend your entire life distracted and perpetually excited: you have things to do. There is also something to be said about the comfort of a long term relationship. One of my favorite things to do is order chinese food and curl up on the couch with my boyfriend to watch a movie in our pajamas. Unfortunately a lot of people mistake a deteriorating relationship for a comfortable relationship. In a long term relationship you will argue with your partner and you might not want to see them every day, but there are a few things that are actually signs of emotional abuse than comfort in the relationship.
1. They Are Rude To You: There is no excuse for your partner to make you feel like you are two inches tall with a bad case of stupid. This is a power play on their part and it leaves you longing to get back in their good graces when the reality is that they are not treating you with the respect that you deserve.
2. They Are Apathetic About Spending Time With You: If you find yourself longing for the days of old when they showed up at your doorstep with a big goofy smile slapped on their face, it can be disheartening when your partner shows up, kicks of their shoes, and doesn’t say hello to you before raiding the refrigerator.
3. They Are Never Wrong. Like, EVER: Have you ever tried to tell your partner about your feelings only to have them say that you are wrong? It doesn’t feel good. First of all, it is literally impossible to wrong about your feelings–this isn’t a math test. It’s a big confidence killer to continually hear that you are wrong during discussions. This is excessive nitpicking on their part and eventually you won’t want to speak to your partner at all because the battle isn’t worth the effort.
4. They Refuse to Have Serious Discussions With You: It can be very awkward and nerve wracking to bring up serious relationship qualms with your partner (particularly if they are prone to being rude and combative). I have had a few discussions with boyfriends during which I poured my heart out and they responded by staring at me in complete silence. If your significant other is unwilling to reciprocate during these conversations there isn’t much you can do other than break it off and look for a partner that you can trust to take your emotions seriously.
5. You Feel Better About Yourself When They Are Not Around: You love being with them, but you feel unappreciated, needy, and insecure in their presence. When you leave to spend time with friends or go to class your confidence comes back and you remember once again that you actually like yourself. This emotional pattern is extremely unhealthy. What happens if you move in together or get married? Are you going to spend the rest of your life hating yourself after you walk through your front door at the end of a long day?
6. Romance “Isn’t Their Thing”: This is a downright lie and you should KNOW that. What your significant other is really saying to you here is that they don’t feel like being romantic anymore because it requires effort. Chances are, they didn’t get you to commit by regaling you with tales of how crappy they treated all their previous partners. Romance can be cheesy and awkward but we all love it, don’t lie. No, the McDonald’s drive thru does not count as romance, even if they do splurge on the large fries.
These six signs can be reversed as well. If you find yourself doing this to your partner, either recognize and correct your behavior or do that person a favor and end the relationship. Before you jump on the breakup bandwagon, sit down with your significant other and talk it through. In today’s world, people are very quick to give up on a relationship and look for something better as soon as life gets rough. It can be very difficult to be vulnerable, particularly with a significant other who has a habit of disrespecting you. However, your feelings are legitimate and you have a right to feel like an equal party in the relationship.