UO Students Share Their Most Embarrassing Sex Stories

Sex is just another natural human body function, which means there’s bound to be a few mishaps from time to time. While it may be embarrassing AF in the moment, in the end, it makes for a great story. For these 18 students in particular, their sexual encounters turned into hilarious, cringe-worthy stories, that will make you feel thankful they did not happen to you!

Answers have been lightly edited for clarity.

1. “Beautiful walk of shame back to the dorms.”

“There I was, at a pinning. One shot, two shots, three shots, whole bottle of cooks. Next thing I know, I’m in the chambers. The president of one of our beloved fraternities. Hands start wandering, mouths end up in special zones. THEN, just as we are about to get down to it, I rolled over and blechhh, puke. ALL. OVER. HIS. BED. Next thing I remember, I wake up and ran out quickly at 6 a.m. on a lovely Saturday morning. Beautiful walk of shame back to the dorms.”

--Female, 22

 

2. Sorry, Officer.

“I went to Hawaii with my boyfriend and we were with my family all weekend and needed to get away, so we took the rental car to the beach and hopped in the back seat. Little did we know, we parked at a private beach. The cops came over to our car while we were having sex in the back, knocked on the window and then proceeded to wait until we got dressed and got out of the car before telling us to leave.”

--Female, 20

 

3. “If I wasn’t already on the verge of tears at this point, I sure was about to be.”

“One night I was at a party and I ended up running into this guy who I was buddies with and had always thought was really cute. Anyways, I ended up back at his house that night and we started to hook up. Throughout this sexscapade, he managed to stick his entire hand down my throat. I genuinely thought I was going to throw up, it felt like he was trying to finger my tonsils. He also stuck his tongue in my ear. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for some flirty ear kisses or bites, but tongue, IN MY EAR? To top it off, he also missed once and aimed for the wrong area…ouch! If I wasn’t already on the verge of tears at this point, I sure was about to be. At 4 a.m. I got up to use the bathroom, threw on his oversized shirt, opened the door, and guess who was standing there? MY EX. I was so drunk that I didn’t allow myself time to think, ‘maybe I shouldn’t go (loudly) hookup with my ex’s roommate in the same home, on the same floor.’ He had clearly been standing outside the door listening, but he pretended he didn’t see me, turned around and booked it back to his room. I slammed the door shut and went back into the guy’s bedroom and start crying like a five-year-old and told him that I wanted to go home.”

--Female, 21

 

4. “He recorded a podcast about me…”

“I met this guy on tinder, we hung out a couple of times and had some pretty mediocre sex. We realized we didn't have much in common so we stopped seeing each other and mutually ghosted each other. I went on SoundCloud a couple months later and saw he had recorded a podcast about me...LMAO!”

--Female, 20

 

5. “Nice, Bro.”

“My boyfriend and I were hooking up in his room back home and his brother barged in the door. There I am, standing butt-ass-naked and his brother just stood there, looked me up and down, gave my boyfriend a fist bump and said, ‘nice, bro.’ I can never look at his brother the same after that.”

--Female, 20

 

6. Really? Sloppy Seconds?

“I had been hooking up with this guy and one night when I took off his pants, he was already wearing a condom... I asked him why, and he told me he ‘likes to be prepared.’ I didn't think much of it, so I continued to have awful sex with him. I found out later that he had sex with a different girl right before me and tried using the same condom twice.”

--Female, 19

 

7. “His face was covered in blood like war paint.”

“I had been friends with this guy for a while and it was New Year’s Eve. Why not have a NYE kiss with someone who isn’t a complete stranger? So we kissed as the clock turned midnight, bar hopped a little, and then about six of us friends all went back to his house. At his house, he kissed me again and things got more intense, and all of a sudden I felt a wetness on my face. I didn’t think much of it because we were intensely making out and I was also a little drunk. We kept kissing, and about a minute later, he said ‘do I have a bloody nose?’ And I replied, ‘I don’t know! Do you?’ As he gets up to turn the light on, I see the horror. Blood, EVERYWHERE. And I mean everywhere. On the sheets, pillows, carpet, blankets, and the most horrific -- all over our faces and bodies. He wouldn’t let me look in the mirror, but as I saw his face covered in blood like war paint, I could only imagine mine. I couldn’t stop laughing when he got stain remover at three in the morning and was scrubbing his beige carpets. The next morning, I got home to realize my hair was stiff-hard and it looked as if I had red highlights due to the dried blood. A few days later he dropped off homemade cookies his mom helped him bake to apologize for the inconvenience.”

--Female, 21

 

8. “Surprise!”

“I was having sex with this guy. Thirty seconds (I kid you not) after being in me, he pulls out finishes on my stomach and says ‘surprise!’ I wasn’t even upset, I just couldn’t stop laughing.”

--Female, 21

 

9. There She Blows

“I was having sex with this guy doggy-style, and we decided to switch it up and he went down on me. The poor fella experienced the biggest queef in his face the second his mouth reached my vagina. I swear I witnessed his hair fly back a little. He acknowledged the queef and said, ‘that happens’ and continued to give me head. The sex was great, but I'll never forget that queef.”  

--Female, 21

 

10. What happens in the Caribbean, stays in the Caribbean.

“I brought my boyfriend on vacation to the Caribbean with my family and I. We had our own room, but there was a conjoining door to my parents room. We were getting ready for dinner and things got a little hot and steamy in the shower. We hurried out of the shower, laid a towel over the bed and started having sex. We were going at it doggy-style and literally mid-thrust my dad walks in saying it was time for dinner!!! He immediately closed his eyes and shut the door. My parents and I went to dinner that night and all got really drunk because we were so uncomfortable. My boyfriend stayed back at the hotel and stood in the shower for like an hour, trying to grasp what had just happened. That was the first night of our 10 day vacation.”

--Female, 20

 

11. “He told me he was a ‘caged lion’ mid-makeout.”

“I went on two dates with this guy. First date went great, second date, things got weird. He told me he was a ‘caged lion’ mid-makeout and that he was only giving me a 1 out of 10. We didn’t really talk much after that. A few days later was my birthday. He texted me ‘happy birthday’ along with a professional picture of him naked, covering his junk, and wearing a baker boy hat. Then, a few days later out of nowhere he DMs me on instagram ANOTHER two pictures. They were like the last but these were taken with a film camera. The first picture was the same as before and the second picture was off his ass. WHY THE F*** IS HE HAVING PROFESSIONAL NUDE PICS TAKEN, WEARING A BAKER BOY HAT AND BANDANA TIED AROUND HIS LEG???”

--Female,  21

 

12. Couldn’t Slytherin to that one, huh?

“I was hoping to lose my virginity to my girlfriend of two weeks. Our friend walked us back to her place and sang Frank Sinatra to get us in the mood. When I couldn't get it up, I made Harry Potter jokes until I gave up and left.”

--Male, 21

 

13. Zzzz...

“One night, I went to a friends party and met the most attractive man. We started talking and had the most boring conversation, but I didn’t care because he was so cute. I ended up going back to his place and the sex ended up being just as boring as his personality! It was so bad that I started to doze off and he asked me if I had fallen asleep. I quickly said ‘no’ and booked it out of there.”

--Female, 20

 

14. Finders Keepers

“After a night out, I spent the night at this guys place. The next morning, as I was getting dressed, I could not find my shirt or my underwear. After looking for a while, we gave up so I went commando and wore one of his t-shirts. I kept in touch hoping to get my items back but he kept telling me he couldn’t find them. A term goes by and a mutual friend tells me that he actually did find them and just never told me! I don't even want to know why he wanted to keep them for so long, but at least they are now safely back in my closet.”

--Female, 20

 

15. “I comforted him (butt naked) while he puked.”

“So I was really drunk and I decided I wanted to hook up with this guy. We were flirting all night and at one point he helped me do a keg stand but he wasn't strong enough and I literally fell on the way down. He felt so bad he sat me down, got me water and somehow that did it for me and we started making out. We went back to his place and undressed, then started making out some more. As soon as we started having sex, he stopped moving, sat up and made a gag sound. That’s when I knew he was about to throw up. I sat up, grabbed a trash can and a chair and literally comforted him (butt naked) while he puked. I then grabbed my clothes and started getting dressed. I offered to take the trash out too, but he refused. So yeah, that was a fun night.”

--Female, 20

 

16. Unexpected Visitor

“One time, mid-thrust, his mom came home and I had to lay naked on his floor while they talked for a solid five minutes. She didn’t see me, but I have never been so scared in my life.”

--Female, 20

 

17. Holy Cannoli

“My boyfriend and I went off-roading in my jeep to the top of a mountain that had an amazing view. I picked up sandwiches and cannolis from an Italian restaurant on the way for our little date night. We were in the backseat fooling around and I thought it would be sexy to put a cannoli on his junk, pull it off and lick off the filling. Well it turns out the filling was full of chocolate chips, so every time I tried to suck the cream off, I had to pause, look up at him and try to seductively chew the chocolate chips without dying of laughter.”

--Female, 20

 

18. “I was 99.9% sure…”

“I’ve been hooking up with this guy for a few weeks. One night when we were hooking up he said he wanted to go down on me and I told him I was on my period. When I said that, I was on day five of my cycle, so I knew it would be over soon. So two days after telling him that I was on my period, we were hooking up. He asks me if I was still on my period. I went the whole day without needing a tampon so I assumed my cycle was over. So I told him I was 99.9% sure I was off my period. He went down on me and when everything was over I felt the bed sheets and they were wet. I went to the bathroom and I noticed that there was blood on my toilet paper. As I got out, he told me he made the bed and I kinda laughed in an ashamed way to myself. He went to the bathroom after I got back and I shined my flashlight on the bed to make sure I did in fact bleed on his bed. Nevertheless, I saw my blood all over his bed. The conversation was surprisingly less awkward than me coming to the realization that I bled on his bedsheets and he ate me out while I was on my period.”

--Female, 19