First step: Click here and watch this video.
No, don’t read the next sentence and come back to it. Watch the video.
Done yet? Good.
The scene is set with a teddy bear and an obviously fake foreign accent discussing “Teddy’s operation.” You’re prepared for maybe a little bit of a laugh, maybe a feel-good moment or two as a cute stuffed bear is restored to full health. Heck, maybe even a smiling baby!
Your expectations are set when the “doctor” adds sprinkles to Teddy. Then he says it’s so he “won’t hate the children.”
‘That’s a weird thing for a feel-good video to say,’ you think to yourself. It’s not inherently shocking though, so you dismiss it.
Then it gets weird. And when I say weird, let me describe to you my reactions:
Me: Ladeeedahhh Teddy’s cute…
Me: What the EFFFFFF is that meat?!
Me: Why does that scalpel look so sharp? Why is it…holy God. It’s cutting. It’s cutting Teddy’s kidney.
Me: It can’t any worse. Right?
Raw meat comes gushing out of Teddy’s “courage sack.”
ME: OH MAH GAWD!!!
At this point, the gloved hand feeling around in Teddy’s heart is only milding surprising.
I put my phone down and laughed. Then I felt uneasy. Then I showed the boyfriend, who gave me really weird looks as I laughed hysterically through the whole thing.
BF: (Giving me a nervous look) Umm…Kels?
Me: Mean boy broke Teddy’s heart!! Hahahaha!
What can I say? It’s even funnier when you know the absurdity that your video victim is about to witness.
And now, if you didn’t click on the video before reading this article, you need to right now — even though you got all the spoilers. It’s a lot funnier than I am, I promise. Then check out the account creator’s “Fun Facts” video about ducks and their REALLY WEIRD penises, and be glad you’re not a lady duck. Except in the mascot sense! Go Ducks!