Whether you’re moving into the dorms or your first apartment, you’re going to want to set some ground rules with your new roomies. Even if you’re best friends, issues can come up if you don’t talk through boundaries beforehand and set up a roommate contract that works for you. There are some essentials that you should definitely put on your contract and talk through.
1. Quiet hours.
Whether you and your roommates are all party animals or one of you is pre-med and needs to study all the time, you need to get this figured out right away. Set some general times each day that you want to be quiet hours for studying with your roommates, and on the weekends maybe consider other study spots like the library or other study rooms on campus.
2. Annoying alarms.
I can’t tell you how many times my roommates and I in the dorms had different schedules and had to hear annoying alarms going off just because we forgot to talk about it as an issue. If you share a room, think about using your iPod and plugging in your headphones to set a music alarm so your roommates don’t hear your alarm or having a quieter one. There are other options besides a super loud beeping alarm, and you don’t want to drive your roommates crazy.
3. The cleaning schedule.
Whether you’re in the dorms and only have one room, a microwave, and a fridge to clean, or you have an apartment or house with several rooms and cleaning chores to do, you’re going to want to set up a schedule. Whether it’s informal and you just decide to switch off who does a chore each time or you want to set up specific days and times is up to you. You’re also just going to want to talk about the general appearance of your living space. Do you care if it’s messy, not mind if it’s somewhere in-between, or want it perfectly pristine? Let your roomies know ahead of time.
4. Shared and non-shared items.
It’s important to talk about the items you don’t mind sharing, the items that are totally off-limits, and the items you don’t mind your roommate borrowing as long as they ask. You should talk with your roommate beforehand about who is bringing larger items like a mini-fridge, microwave, TV, or speaker system. After that you should discuss other items like clothing, food, and school supplies and what you are ok with them using. It’s better to talk about these things than for one roommate to find their Nutella jar completely empty or brand new shirt torn for no reason other than a lack of discussion and awareness.
5. Significant others and overnight guests.
Whether one of you has a girlfriend, another has a longtime boyfriend, or you’re all single, you need to be upfront about how you want to deal with these relationships. My roommates and I agreed at the beginning of the year to text each other if we wanted the room to ourselves with a significant other a couple of hours ahead (or at least an hour) and that was our agreement. You might decide you and your roommate don’t want each other to have any overnight guests that aren’t friends. Whatever you decide, you want to make sure a situation doesn’t arise where your roommate’s significant other basically lives in your room and it becomes uncomfortable. It’s easier to communicate beforehand than have a huge fight about it later.
6. Friends.
Maybe your roommate just joined a sorority and wants to have five or six of her favorite sisters over, or your high school friends are visiting and want to hang out in your new place. Talk to your roommates about what times this is ok (this can go back to quiet hours), how many guests is acceptable, noise levels, and anything else you think may come up as an issue.
7. Studying distractions.
This issue can also relate back to friends and quiet hours, but consider other distractions that may annoy your roommate. Talk to your roommate about musical instrument practicing, plugging in headphones, a TV watching schedule, and skype sessions. There is always another location your roommate or you can go to study, but remember this is your shared space and you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable in that space.
8. Smoking, Drinking, and other substances.
Whether you and your roommates are under 21 or not, the fact is plenty of college students party, drink, and smoke. That said, you may not like any of these activities, but your roommate may be a diehard party girl. You need to talk with your roommate about what’s acceptable in your room. Dorm rules or not, do you mind if they keep beer in the shared fridge or if they smoke outside your window? Know what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not, and discuss these things upfront. They can always drink in another room, smoke outside or find another solution, so don’t be afraid to suggest these options.
9. Temperature
Discuss with your roommate whether you want to purchase extra fans, keep the windows open or closed, or have your apartment set to a certain temperature depending on the time of year. You may not think this is a big issue, but when it comes to heating bills and comfort levels it could become a bigger fight in the long run.
10. Sickness, Breakups, and the tough stuff.
Talk to your roommates about having cold medicine on hand, being there for each other with emotional issues, and dealing with issues that despite communication may have gotten out of control. No matter how many boundaries and rules you discuss, know that problems will probably come up either way, and you’ll get to know your roommates and their living habits more than anybody else. Your roommate may have a habit that drives you insane, a friend that you hate, or write passive-aggressive notes that she thinks are totally acceptable but you can’t stand. Tough stuff like sicknesses, breakups, pregnancies, and sexual assault can happen as well, and whether you’re best friends with your roommate or not, you should talk about how you’ll support each other in these situations. Whether it’s that you’ll buy them ice cream, take them to a resource center on campus, or just listen to them, when you live with someone in the dorms or off-campus real life does happen and you’re going to have to step up to the plate sometimes. That said if there’s an issue maybe you can’t solve talk to your RA, an adult you trust, or find a resource on campus that can help your roommate. Even if you don’t become best friends with your roommates, my biggest tip is just to remember to respect each other.
Comment below if you have a roommate story you want to share with us!