By Sarah Smith
Self-talk has been on my mind a lot lately…well, like most things I write about. I wanted to hop on and write some observations about people and their self-talk. If you’re a reader of my blogs then you already know I tend to talk badly about myself, and this is something I’ve been trying to change. But something I’ve noticed is that I’m not the only person committing this “crime.”
I think it’s really important for people to think about how they talk to themselves. Particularly this is because it can help you find out a lot about yourself. It’s a complicated thing, thinking about how we view ourselves…but it can tell us also a lot about how we treat others. Self-esteem, self-worth, they can contribute to how we treat others at the end of the day.
So, why do I care? I care because it can revolutionize our lives. I think about the movie “I Feel Pretty” as an example. It wasn’t that she changed externally at all. It was how she felt about herself. Now, don’t get me wrong, just like in the movie, not everyone will think you’re gorgeous, but it’s ultimately how you feel about yourself that will change how the world sees you. It isn’t a first impression that gives an image of who a person is, but hours of conversation, in action and in life. The Insta-personality that we so often have as people gives us this idea that we can see a whole person for who they are in a moment, but if you find a person on a bad day or on a good day, that can drastically change who a person is. So my question is, how can I talk more positively to myself?
By writing positively about myself.
Journaling is one of the most effective ways to change your mind about something.
I remember as a kid watching, “The Barbie Diaries” where it was said in the movie, when you write your feelings down, magical things can happen. Repeated writing of something drills something into our brains. By writing positive affirmations about ourselves, we can change the inner dialogue from “I’m so stupid, I’m never going to succeed” to “I made a mistake, and I can fix this.” Now that sounds silly, but the “everything is always fixable” mindset is better to have than a “once it’s done, it’s done” mindset. Because if you go into things with genuinely good intentions and think about the way you do things, you’ll find even if you mess up, that it’s, most of the time, not irreconcilable damage.
Understand and allow yourself to be okay with not knowing everything.
You can’t be a genius at everything and expecting yourself to be is completely unreasonable. So, don’t dwell on the fact you can’t contribute you to a conversation or you got something wrong, learn from the experience, don’t beat yourself up over it.
Change your environment.
This is two-fold, quite literally change your space. Your old space is going to remind you of your old self-talk, but if you visibly can change your bedroom, apartment, or whatever to be new, you’re not going to look at something that projects you into self-hatred. Secondly, do you have friends that are constantly making you doubt your self-confidence, dislike yourself or otherwise? If so, cleanse yourself from those people. Don’t let yourself get caught up in it. You don’t have to make a big deal or tell anyone: I’m not going to be around them and just genuinely stay away from them.
Practice what you are good at and what makes you feel good about yourself.
Does yoga boost your mood? Or does playing an instrument? Do you like watching an episode a day of a sitcom? Do what you’re good at that makes you happy for at least 30 minutes a day.
Source your triggers.
What triggers you to begin negative self-talk? Is it failing an assignment? Is it thinking about an ex? Is it another failed friendship? What is it? When you think about what triggers your self-doubt, first, see if it’s something that you can eliminate completely. If it’s not like your job or school, try to change your inner dialogue about that thing. It’s not easy, but it’s possible. Back when I was taking algebra, I had to tell myself: I’m doing this not because I have to but because I get to and want to….that was what I had to tell myself and each time I did, as crazy as it sounds, it got easier.
Drink more water.
Overall, this is just a good life tip, and it does make you feel better, which will hopefully minimize negative self-talk.
Laugh more.
Do you have a really funny friend you wanna hang out with? Are there comedy shows around you? Laughing improves your mood, and maybe potentially, even your feelings about yourself…I mean, I’m not a psychologist, but it helps me.
Think about what you like about others.
So many times when we are caught up being negative to ourselves, we are also negative about others. Instead of thinking about something you don’t like about anyone you see, start thinking about what’s nice or good about them. Think about anything you like about those people. The happiest people are the ones who not only like themselves but like those around them or can always find something beautiful about them.
Don’t allow yourself to start dating to boost morale.
I think almost everyone has done this, they use other people to fuel their ego to make themselves feel better. It’s not only wrong but can hurt others’ self-esteem. This is about fixing your own negative self-talk, not contributing to others’. One thing that the most truly confident people do is try to help others become more confident, not hurt others in order to help themselves. It’s nice to be admired, but not at the cost of another human.
Wash your face and shave your legs.
It sounds weird, but my friend, you will not feel as great as when your face is clean and your legs are shaved. You’re just gonna feel better. My sister always used to tell me, “Sarah, you’ll feel like a thousand times better if you just do your hair, shave your legs and put on some makeup.” And boy, is she right.
Do you agree with this? Why or why not? Tweet @livesas3 or leave a comment to let me know how you feel. Let’s #Slay2019. Love you guys, thanks for the read.
Sincerely,
Sarah Smith