When GOP frontrunner Donald Trump comes to your town, oh you’ll know it! It will be all over the local news and reporters will wonder what his rally will bring, if it will be like the others. There will be major closures on roads with names like the Seaford Oyster Bay. Listen for helicopters in the distance, too. Your local police chief will make a statement about the heightened security, how they are “gearing up,” and how no bags will be allowed into the venue. There will be a barricaded Free Speech Zone outside of the rally, intended for peaceful protest and spoiler alert: only two arrests will be made.
Before you get ready to attend the rally, strictly out of curiosity, beware because your father might make an embarrassing Facebook post regarding his excitement about just printing out his “tix.” He will tag you in it, too, but don’t worry; he’ll delete it soon.
When you get to one of the many shuttle stations transporting people to the site, you will be shocked at the line that wraps down your local turnpike. You shouldn’t miss it because the red bucket hats that say “Make America Great Again” will stand out. I hope you’re bundled up, too, because it may be unseasonably cold and you will be waiting a while. As you wait, many will continue to gather. Directly behind you will be a group of young cops drinking Michelob Ice cans out of perfectly sized brown paper bags. They will talk a lot about previous tailgating memories and will not once mention their political views, so don’t fret. You’ll see lots of other people drinking tall boys and you might wonder why they feel it is necessary to pregame for a political event. Don’t ask them why. As your mind wanders, you will also wonder if the cloud of cigarette smoke enveloping you could possibly drift and drop you right at the site of the rally. You’ll snap out of this daydream when someone tries to start a Trump chant that does not catch on.
While you’re waiting on the line, many passersby will honk and yell in both support and protest. The majority of it will either be something like “Trump 2016” or “feel the Bern!” You’ll wish you could explain to these cars that you’re here for journalistic purposes but, of course, you won’t be able to do this. You can turn your back so they can’t see your face. It is VERY important, however, to be mindful of the passing cars because one person will, in fact, get hit by one of them. It will cause some temporary commotion and an ambulance and police will arrive shortly.
After about an hour and a half, three busses will pull up and people will load onto them like a trail of ants. You will get very close to the front of the line, giving you hope that your wait will be soon over. This will be cut short, however, when the two hour mark is inching closer and a well dressed blonde woman who identifies herself as a volunteer says “if another bus doesn’t come in ten minutes… well, that’s it.” In less time than that, she will come back and say “never mind, the event is closed, no more busses.” People will be very angry. They will immediately disperse into the turnpike. A man will walk up to her and yell “if he can’t run a rally, he can’t run a country!”
Be ware folks; He may be coming to a town near you.