Ignorance You Hear as a Waitress/Bartender in College

As women, we encounter sexist and derogatory comments on a daily basis.  From catcalls on the street, to being told to smile or look a certain way, to even more serious workplace injustices, we’ve heard it all.  It has been in the restaurants that I’ve worked in during college, however, that I’ve heard the greatest myriad of jaw-droppers.  Here are some of the worst.

1. “We were taking bets- are you in school?”

I was taking a table of three men that had the audacity to ask me this question.  I was proud to answer that yes, I was indeed a working college student.  I wondered, however, which of them bet that I wasn’t in school!  I was shocked and insulted that anyone would assume that because you are waiting tables, you could not possibly handle school as well.

2. “You know it’s not rocket science….”

I’ve heard variations of this when customers are trying to explain what they consider common sense.  It can be so patronizing and derogatory because, similar to assuming you can’t be in school, they presume you’re an idiot and therefore speak to you as such.  What is obvious to you and makes sense in your head often may not be immediately understood by someone else!  How can you expect it to be?  Sorry that I’m not quite grasping what you mean when you order your red wine chilled.

3. “You’ll make a great bartender some day!”

An older man said this to me during a party I was working that I had to serve a lot of drinks for.  I do believe that he meant it kindly but I wanted to tell him “thank you sir, but I actually aspire to be a lot more than that one day!”

4. “You know, you’d probably make better tips if you wore some more makeup.”

I have heard this great tidbit of advice given to waitresses by both male AND female customers.  There are so many layers of feminism that this adage violates, one of the most important being that if I make the choice to wear makeup, it is for nobody but my own damn self.  It also alludes to common expectations of female waitresses and bartenders to be “cute” and attractive to their customers, particularly catering to the male gaze, obviously.  But mainly, what I want to shout in my customers faces is that the service that I am providing them has absolutely NO correlation to the makeup I’m wearing.

5. “Thanks, baby/honey/sweetie (or any other pet name)”

I think anyone who has ever worked in any kind of service industry has experienced this.  It’s totally patronizing, belittling, sexist, creepy, rude, possessive- the list goes on and on.  In the most platonic and casual encounters it is so inappropriate to use a term that should be reserved only for intimate relationships.  And again, could you imagine casually calling male stranger “cutie” in casual conversation?

6. “You have a hickey on your neck.”

THANKS, GRANDMA-OBVIOUS.  Yes, I have a personal life that is not just restricted to serving you lasagna and yes, sometimes I’m rushing to work and don’t have time to massage my love bite with ice or rub three combinations of foundation on top of it.  Although I understand that a visible hickey is not always the classiest of accessories, mine was not by any means “in your face.”  What baffled me the most is that I could never fathom pointing out to my server at a restaurant that he or she had a hickey because I just don’t care and it’s none of my damn business.  Would you point that out to your hairdresser or mechanic?

And last but certainly not least, I want to leave you with one final example of gross sexism experienced in the workplace.  A friend shared this with me and again I beg you to imagine the scenario if the genders were reversed.

• everyday sexism
• restaurants
• waitress