You walk into a class for the first time at the beginning of the semester and everyone is sitting in that awkward “professor hasn’t arrived yet” silence. Maybe you know one or two people, but for the most part these are all strangers. You sit beside a girl that is wearing a ring on her left ring finger. Interesting. But not super uncommon. Girls wear jewelry on that finger all the time. The professor introduces him or herself. Then they ask that everyone go around the room and tell their basic demographic information and “one interesting fact about themselves.” An annoyed murmur floats through the class.
When it comes to the girl beside you, her interesting fact is that she’s married. Oh my gosh, she must hate women’s rights! Wow, she must be an idiot! There is no way she is going to graduate.
Hi friends. I AM THAT GIRL. I’m here to tell you that I’m a normal college student, except I like my roommate.
When I got engaged my junior year of college, people freaked out. I was suddenly this weird adult that had come into their world and just really messed with their life. People literally thought I was dropping out then and there. Everyone’s biggest concern was that I was pregnant, trying to become pregnant, or going to become pregnant on my wedding night.
So let me shoot straight with you.
You’re really going to finish school?
One of my favorite questions that I got was, “Is he going to let you finish school?” No, actually I’m marrying him because he really wants someone to clean his house. You don’t marry someone two months before they start their senior year of college hoping that they’ll drop out for you, guys. My husband is a college graduate himself and very much sees this as an important step in life. On top of this, he has known me since I was 16-years-old. He knew that school was important to me. He knows my dreams and ambitions. He knows that getting that degree is part of that.
So no, Martha, I did not marry a chauvinist woman-hater. If he was the type of person to think that he could “not allow” me to finish my degree and expect me to go along with it I wouldn’t have married him.
When are you going to have kids?
Um, I’m not sure. When will you have kids? Is this a normal question for college students? Just me? Just because I’ve found the person that I’m going to be with for the rest of my life doesn’t mean that I’m charting my cycle trying to get pregnant. Y’all, I’m about to get out of school for the first time in this century, I am trying to live a little before I tie myself down again.
This is not to say that if I had kids it would be the end of the world, because it wouldn’t. Non-traditional students have kids while they’re getting degrees all the time. I have friends that are raising babies and going to school and I think they are way stronger than I am. I still have a panic attack when I burn my grilled cheese. So no, I am not ready for kids.
All in all, lets just give each other the benefit of the doubt. No, I am not stomping on the feminist movement by being a wife. I’m not planning to stop my life to make him sandwiches. Yes, I have heard of birth control, I know how to not get pregnant. And hey, if I wanted a baby right at this very moment, still none of your business. That married girl is not a muggle that snuck into Hogwarts. She’s just a regular female trying to acquire that really expensive piece of paper, just like you.