3 Ways to Know You’ve Found Your People

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Over time, most people come up with a collection of friends that have stayed with them from different areas of their life to form their group of go-to humans. Whether it’s from different schools, activities, or times in your life, these people become your safety net. As you spend more time with someone, it’s natural to have thoughts of the future. Will they be in it? Here’s a simple check in to help you navigate whether this is going to be one of your people, or a seasonal friend.  


1. Can you be unashamedly you?


It’s cheesy, I know. It’s just part of life there is going to be a friend at some point that you want to dress cute to be around. She makes you constantly self-conscious about everything that you say. You wonder if she actually thinks you’re funny because every time you make a joke she says, “that’s so funny,” without even a smile on her face. This girl is not a part of your tribe.


You know who is? That friend that you call to say, “Hey, can I come over and take a nap?” The one that has delirious dance parties with you in the middle of the night on finals week and doesn’t judge song choice or horrible dance moves. It’s the one that shows up at two in the morning when you want to watch Friends and doesn’t say anything about the fact that you’re still wearing the shirt you slept in last night and went to class in today. The one that doesn’t care if you haven’t washed your hair in three days and wants to be around you no matter how far you are from your best. She sees the real you, and that’s why she’s still in your life.


2. Do they take care of you when you’re down?


Does she still want to hang out with you when you have a cold? That’s a friend that is just plain going to take care of you no matter what you’re going through. Who are the ones holding you when you’re throwing up, crying about a boy, or having a panic attack about life?


When you’re going through a crisis moment, whom do you call? Who tells you that you will survive the breakup? Who tells you when it’s time to come home for a weekend? Your long-term friends are going to love you how you need to be loved, not how you want. And sometimes, that kick in the butt is exactly what you need. If she’s going to stand up for you to you, she’s probably in it for the long haul.


3. Are you a part of each other’s families?


I knew my best friend was going to be around for a while when we were in eighth grade. We sat down for a family dinner at my house, and she knew our flow. She didn’t sit by me, because she wasn’t even there for just my friendship at that point, she was a part of the family. To this day, she calls my parents “Momma and Dad”. Her little sister calls me when she needs advice on something that I do well. My mom calls her to check up when she hasn’t heard from her in a while. Our families kind of converged and became a huge family unit over the two of us.


It’s been said time and time again: your mom can tell the good ones from the bad. If your families are willing to accept them as one of their own, it’s probably got a good chance of survival.


On This is Us, Randall Pearson said, “There’s absolutely zero point in trying to control the future, because nobody knows where we’ll be. But, what we can control are the people we choose. Because while everything else may change, if you choose right, your people will stay the same.”


Choose good people to surround yourself with. You want to collect the kind of friends that will be there through the good and not bat an eye at walking through the bad with you. Making new friends is necessary, healthy even. Just know who you’re looking for. Seasonal friends are there for a time, but your forever people will be your rocks through all of the seasons.