Brush up your general chemistry, as you learn which element you and your friends secretly are, and ace your course armed with this knowledge.
- As – Arsenic
Are you the friend that always gets into toxic relationships just as poisonous, if not more, as arsenic? Well, you’ll find your kindred soul in the element arsenic.
Or maybe you’re the anthropoid arsenic because you have pondered, perhaps a little guiltily, in absolute secrecy, at least once to do away with your partner and what better than arsenic for that.
- C – Carbon
Diamonds? Graphite? Fullerenes? Name it and carbon has an allotrope of it.
Piggybacking on those little clues, we can confidently predict that the ones to find their twin flames in carbon will be highly adaptable, able to modify their thoughts and priorities (structure and arrangement) to fulfill evolving demands, and are possibly the top contenders in the race of natural selection.
- Cl – Chlorine
Ah, our resident cleanliness freak, that’s you.
While they themselves can make everything sparkly clean and glowing, and make your bathroom hygienic enough to eat off of, promenade with caution in their vicinity.
Why, you ask.
Well, because akin to their identical twin chlorine’s poisonous retort upon inhalation or consumption, the cleanliness freaks can and will translate their obsession into projection when they see your Insta selfies in messy bedrooms, as they slowly but surely embrace their spirit animal – Monica Geller.
- Cm – Curium
The human peers of the most radioactive element curium manifest with swoon (and jealousy)-worthy perfect skin with the perfect glow, making them formidable enemies of darkness.
In fact, tantamount to the element, they are so radioactive (glowing), they boil water (glow underwater too).
- Cs – Cesium
Punctual to a T, so much so that the very definition of the unit of time is defined by them (derived from Cesium’s properties); the latter is exploited by the rest of humanity for timekeeping (in Cesium’s case, in atomic clocks).
- F – Fluorine
The chemical edition of the iconic Regina George, fluorine is a tribute to all high school queen bees who invariably stole the spotlight. Let’s take a look at all the crowns it has got on its head – the most reactive element; explosive in the air; most electronegative; hydrofluoric acid, a highly reactive and potentially deadly acid; critical for nuclear activities; vital for survival; toxic in small amounts in the gaseous form… and it goes on.
No wonder other matter can’t stand it (steel wool literally bursts into flame near fluorine!).
- Fr – Francium
With a half-life of only about 22 minutes, Francium is the friend that’s always in absentia. A total recluse, it exists as single atoms that appear like soap bubbles and vanish just as quickly.
If you consider it a win when you’ve gone a whole day without talking to anyone, if your pride becomes absolutely insufferable when you accomplish that (fortunately no one’s there to be traumatized by it), then you might just be the felicitously forlorn francium.
- H – Hydrogen
The eternal misfit or… the glove that fits all hands… or perhaps Luna Lovegood reincarnate.
Not unlike how I kept seesawing, Hydrogen, confused between the alkali group and the halogen group, can never make up its mind, and its properties keep fluctuating between two depending on its mood.
Following suit, the human hydrogens we stumble upon flit back and forth, between ideas and beliefs or between diametrically opposite friend circles, without any care for the bafflement they leave in their wake.
- He – Helium
With a duet instead of an octet, and yet not outdone by other gases in terms of stability, Helium typifies those who follow their dreams despite conflicting social conventions and succeed at that, while carrying an incredible calmness infused wisdom borne of experience
- Hg – Mercury
Designated hydrargyrum meaning water silver, the element (and its biped buddies) lives up to its unusual name. Mirror-like, alike mercury, these bipeds can’t be bothered with pleasantries, and don’t hesitate to fling truths carelessly at anyone and everyone.
With a propensity to sweat profusely (mercury being the only mental to dare melt at room temperature), these bipeds are very rare in occurrence, at least among earthlings.
- Ne – Neon
The Pekingese of the periodic table, they are completely calm and unreactive, aptly christened noble gas, which lends to the suspicion that their more humane analogs might belong to the nobility, what with the regality and charisma.
You can confidently assume them to be firm believers in adages akin to “Insight emerges out of silence”.
- K – Potassium
It’s that cuddly but scary friend.
Not unlike potassium, they are extremely soft or small and soft spoken so much so that they can be easily cut with a knife or make for a nice pillow; but beware! these masters of deception are a force to be reckoned, reacting violently even with cold water and catching fire instantaneously.
Key takeaway – despite the cuddle sessions, tread lightly when in proximity!
- S – Sulfur
Unpredictable, or erratic (or… possibly borderline?), human counterparts of Sulfur hop through life and situations like Sulfur hops through oxidation states.
P.S. In case the lighthearted claim made in the beginning appeared credible and reasonable to sarcasm novices, the author would like to reiterate this article isn’t and shouldn’t be used as a study guide. Consumption of this article with such intent should be done at the reader’s discretion (and risk!).