Every girl has had their fair share of heartbreaks in their lifetime. Some girls can easily move on from their past, but others take a while let go and not have a grudge towards their ex. It solely depends on how one deals with heartbreak and the stages of moving on.
I’m the type of girl who doesn’t move on easily from a breakup. I have only dated a few people in my life that have had an effect on who I am today. Many people will look at this as if I need to get myself together or I’m “depressed”. First off, believe it or not, not many guys desire me as someone they want to be with. Secondly, the guys I’ve dated helped me point out who I want and don’t want as a significant other. Many people don’t understand that getting over a breakup is a long process. Here are the reasons why I feel it is absolutely OK to take your time to move on:
1. You Learn More About Yourself As An Individual
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People say that during relationships anybody can lose who they are in the heat of the moment. According to Lisa Firestone Ph.D. from Psychology Today, people tend to dive into a “fantasy bond” and somehow return into their early attachment patterns when they were kids. After breaking up with their significant other, one can get really emotional about the breakup and find it difficult to not think about their ex. However, during the process of moving on, you can find ways to occupy yourself by trying out new interests or meeting new people. The more you dive into the process of finding new interests, the more you realize about yourself as an individual. Not only do new interests and people prevent pain, it can also make you think of your ex-S.O. as irrelevant!
2. Your Standards Will Change
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When you break up with your significant other, you will point out the rights and wrongs of the relationship. Was your S.O. cheating? Were you trying to make the relationship last? Were you both serious about being in a relationship? Was your S.O. just another fuckboy? Was the relationship just a fling? What did you want the relationship to teach you? Think about these questions as you reflect back on what kind of standards you want from a new S.O. Do you want an S.O. that is respectful, caring, mature, faithful, and intelligent? How can you get your new S.O.? Although these are great questions to consider, try not to spend too much time on this ALONE because thinking too much about the past will lead to you missing out on something (or someone) great. In fact, try talking to your friends about the situation! They will understand and will help you figure it out.
3. You Will Realize What’s Important to You
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Your ex is a past and will always remain the past. You left them for a reason and there shouldn’t be any excuses to go back to them no matter how right or wrong they treated you. You may hold a grudge or simply miss your ex right now, but one day you will genuinely not worry about them and come to good terms with them. Realizing you have friends and family that care about your well-being is the best feeling you can have. Maybe you have school, focus on that! Maybe you have work, focus on that! Or maybe you have both! An ex will not bring anything new into your life, and what’s in the past is not important, you are.