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Sex + Relationships

Understanding the Boundaries with Women

Disclaimer: An anonymous female student came to me recently via Instagram after seeing my last article. She told me she wanted to share her story of encountering men; this is her story and her thoughts. This is me representing on the behalf of her. ***

“You should be showing off your body!” 

“You have all the qualities for being in a relationship!” 

These are all my personal experiences with men who want to rush into relationships. Different men have told me I should look a certain way because I’m “attractive,” or be the typical girl who flaunts her body for attention that caters to them. Some strongly believe it’s necessary for me to be in a relationship because having a significant other is needed for a woman. It’s a bit bothersome that men have this kind of expectancy for women. 

In fact, I’ve even heard from a few men that they never go on a date with women unless they’re willing to have intimacy with men. It’s an equivalent to women’s worth as plates of food. Recently, a guy I met during the semester had an entire argument explaining to me that I should be open to relationships, after telling him that I was not interested in pursuing one. I’ve had guys throw tantrums and even burst into tears in front of me after I turned them down. Some of them had their best friends ask me,

“What did you do to him?”


Source: Giphy

Absolutely nothing. During my past experiences, I felt more secure turning down the ones who try to be in a relationship too quickly, especially if I’ve known them for at least three days. Even rejecting them politely, they act as if it was a slap in the face. I’ve had guys stare at me in shock when I tell them that I have not slept with that many people. They would respond with,

“But you’re attractive, I expected more.”  


Source: Giphy

“I Always Have this Idea Where the Guy Who Tries to Get With Me the Fastest, Loses.”

People don’t have to agree with the quote, but I’m sure many women can understand the skepticism that comes with a guy who falls for us too soon. I’ve fallen for it, many of us have fallen for it, the guy who swoons over you after talking to you for a minute.

I had a conversation with a friend recently about how guys want to rush into a ‘causal’ relationship. They fall for the nice girls thinking that because they’re kind and sweet, they want to be with them. In the end, they always end up hurt. It would be a lot easier on them if they understood that women are simply genuine human beings and it’s natural for us to be kind. Most men fail to realize that many women are independent and are not trying to live their lives for a significant other.

It’s not about finding our “other half.” It’s about two wholesome people coming together as independents. Women not here for men’s enjoyment, to pass the time or to be a ‘pit stop.’ I think with the gender issues that are prevalent in America right now, it’s important for men to have some type of courtesy towards women. I feel that women would be able to resolve a lot of their societal issues with self-reflection and self-improvement. I appreciate the men in my life that understand. To those who still have the mindset mentioned before, try and wrap it around your heads that no matter how intelligent, masculine, or “nice” you may be, if a woman is not interested, she’s not interested.

Hi!  I'm Paula and I'm the Senior Columnist of HerCampus at Old Dominion University! I'm majoring in English with a Concentration in Journalism minoring in Health and Wellness. I aspire to be a food and culture, politics, or a global affairs reporter for big newspapers such as the NYTimes, Washington Post, or the Los Angeles Times. While I'm not writing fun articles for this chapter, I love cooking various Asian dishes and healthy foods, grocery shopping at Whole Foods or the Fresh Market, and studying and speaking Spanish. Fun Fact: I am a local model around Norfolk and Richmond! Follow me!
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