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Sex + Relationships

Senior Carta: How to Move on From A Breakup and Trust Again

When it comes to breakups, they suck, at first. This significant other has made the choice to not be in your life anymore, your heart cannot accept that this change is happening and you do not know if you will be able to trust someone all over again. Similar to the grieving stages of a death, breakups can be the equivalent of a loved one dying. 

Though I have not been in many relationships throughout college, I’ve been wronged so many times by people who I thought were genuine in my life. I’ve been emotionally manipulated and abused by one, been taken advantage of by another and was in a relationship with someone who couldn’t see anything long-term with me. Of course, they all may sound like terrible people who hurt me, but there is a reason why I am not associated with them anymore. I’ve learned, matured, moved on and am at peace with myself. These experiences have taught me how to grow as a better person for other people I may meet someday. 

Here are the things that I have learned and would want for other girls to learn as well:

Give Yourself the Time to Grieve

Whether it was short or long-term, you were involved with this person romantically. You have every right to be sad, angry and heartbroken. Take the time to grieve because this person meant a lot to you. Don’t bottle up your feelings or pretend you’re okay, it’ll make your heartbreak worse. 

Also, DO NOT jump into a rebound relationship just because you want to get over your ex fast. Rebounds rarely work and it’s disrespectful to move on to someone new, because it’s not fair to the other person knowing that you haven’t moved on. That “reboundee” is a person who represents that loss, not someone who can help get over someone else. At the end of the day, it’s better to cry than to make a fool out of yourself by being with somebody quickly.

  Prioritize Yourself and Yourself Only

You’re not in a relationship anymore, so make that extra time for yourself. Take that opportunity to do what you’ve always wanted to pursue. Workout and eat healthy, get into new hobbies or simply make a lot of positive changes in your life. Put yourself and the priorities you’re making first. In this way, your ex is the least person you would want to worry about and you have big things going on for you. The more you focus on yourself, the more you will not feel the need to be in a relationship.

Unfollow, Delete or Block Him, Please

While every breakup is different, I really do not understand why some exes are still friends with each other. I believe you can be in good-terms with your ex, but I don’t believe you should stay in contact with them. You still having some sort of contact with your ex would still give the feeling of hope that this broken relationship can work. A fresh break-up needs to not have any sort of contact with an ex because that is the part of moving on. You do not need to keep up with them, nor do you need to talk to them every once in a while. It is very hard, but you need to either unfollow him/her on ALL social media, delete his/her number or block them if he’s/she’s still trying to contact you. 

If you want to move on, the past is not going to help and you are not going to be at peace or find that closure in yourself. What’s done is done--there’s no going back and finding that closure from them.

Forgive and Learn from Your Past

This is how you will grow to be a better person and how you will be able to find someone who is right for you. In order for you to move on, you need to forgive. No matter how good or bad the relationship ended, forgive them AND yourself to protect your peace. This is true closure and how you handle a broken relationship maturely. 

Take the good and bad qualities you’ve learned about them, so this way you know what to look for in the next relationship. For example, if the problem in the relationship was communication and being too comfortable, then learn from that lesson to start being vocal and innovate that excitement with the next relationship. 

You can’t keep dwelling on someone who has done you wrong for a long time. Instead, you need to look deep inside yourself, reflect on that relationship and who you are.

Remember, You Really Aren’t Alone

It would be easy for me to say that your heartbreak is nothing compared to others. Your heartbreak means something and you truly are not alone in this situation. We have all been hurt at some point in our lives. It’s only how we cope with our emotions and how we are able to react to the situations after. You will go through worse events in your life than this breakup, but it is mostly on you to grow from this and be better.

Moving on and building trust again takes time. It will teach you so much about yourself and how you can be happy. With or without them, you will be okay regardless. A true significant other is a person who will treat you well, but can also be able to see the long-term with you. If not, then they were never the one for you to begin with. Some people come into your life for a reason and some for a season, but no matter what, forgive and learn. 

As always, 

Good luck, babes.

Hi!  I'm Paula and I'm the Senior Columnist of HerCampus at Old Dominion University! I'm majoring in English with a Concentration in Journalism minoring in Health and Wellness. I aspire to be a food and culture, politics, or a global affairs reporter for big newspapers such as the NYTimes, Washington Post, or the Los Angeles Times. While I'm not writing fun articles for this chapter, I love cooking various Asian dishes and healthy foods, grocery shopping at Whole Foods or the Fresh Market, and studying and speaking Spanish. Fun Fact: I am a local model around Norfolk and Richmond! Follow me!
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