Feeling comfortable in my own skin is a luxury I have never experienced. While I would like to achieve this level of confidence, accepting what I look like at any stage in the mirror seems out of reach. As a woman, I have always felt that my body is being showcased or judged based on a trend that over time has been woven into modern culture. More specifically, in the 2010s examples of body trends include: “slim thick,” “thigh gap,” “BBLs,” and “hourglass figure.”
The learned behavior of not being happy with my physical appearance started through societal judgments. The public tells women to go to the gym, start a diet, or even get surgery, but what about the young girls inside us who never should have felt unhappy about their bodies to begin with?
Unfortunately, I started my period when I was just 8 years old; my family has a lineage of women who start their cycles this early. Since I began transitioning into “womanhood” so early, my body developed so much faster than my peers.
Within the same year, I started my period, started wearing bras, and got my first pimple, yet still was constantly playing with my dolls. Hormonally I was a woman, but mentally I was rightfully still a child.
The adult gaze made me hate my body before I even knew why I should dislike it. I felt so uncomfortable when people made comments on how I looked and what they thought I should’ve looked like at that age. I have always carried weight in places that are deemed “sexual,” but even a woman who doesn’t carry weight in those areas has been sexualized too.
Social media plays a huge role in how women perceive their bodies. You’re either too small, big, short, fat, or wide. You’re never perfect the way you are, and social media doesn’t want you to have self-confidence at all. Like much of Gen Z, I had too much internet access and would scroll for hours on Pinterest and Youtube.
When I was nine, I discovered what a “thigh gap” was from a famous YouTuber. I remember looking at my thighs and grimacing at what I saw. In the same video they highlighted how to “lose weight FAST and EASY” by suggesting lifestyle changes centered around food that can make you slim.Â
One suggestion I remember is the “two slices of pizza hack.” The YouTuber stated that, by grabbing one slice of pizza and cutting it in half, you shouldn’t have to grab another slice. There’s nothing wrong with having two slices of pizza, but my nine-year-old brain had sadly already changed how I thought about food.Â
I saw a TikTok that shared this exact experience. The caption read, “When you say I want to get skinny but realize you’ve been saying that since you were 10.” When I think back on it now, it hurts me to know that I have struggled with my body for years and haven’t gotten to feel happy with how I look. But recently, I’ve been pondering about what my societal counterparts (males) were doing at the same age.
Whether we want to admit it or not, societal sexualization of girls starts sooner than the sexualization of boys. This is not to suppress anything that happens in “boyhood,” but I don’t know a single male who was getting their “ass slapped” every Friday.Â
Girls can start puberty a whole year before a boy does, which creates a noticeable, physical shift between the two. While boys’ bodies were growing they were celebrated for the change. Which leads me to question, if our transition into womanhood was celebrated instead of sexualized, would we still have body issues today?
One day I hope to pass a mirror and not body check, or turn a cereal box around to check how many calories per serving size. I wish I could turn back time and unlearn everything I was taught about hating my body, because there was nothing not to like about it in the first place.