It’s a nauseating and all-consuming feeling that curls around you like death’s cold fingers. From that moment forward nothing is the same. The days feel empty and the nights, cold and lonely. Just when you start to feel some normalcy again, one whiff of the familiar smell of their soap or hearing a song you both loved on the radio, throws you right back into the dark depths of it all. Heartbreak happens to us all and is truly unavoidable. Unless you have access to some type of love potion which, let’s face it, never works out well. If we aren’t careful, the anguish felt during a breakup, whether it was a necessary one or not, can easily consume us. The pain you are experiencing during this time can feel isolating, especially if the people in your friend group are in relationships. It is incredibly important to keep in mind that this is not only survivable, but rejuvenating if you are able to navigate this period of time in a healthy way.
I was in a relationship for four years. I loved this person with every fiber of my being, and I truly thought it was going to last forever. One day, completely out of the blue, he decided it was time to pull the plug on our relationship, and he did it in a not so nice way. When I say that, I mean it. This person that I loved with all of my heart, for such a long time, was laughing in my face, literally, while he was ripping my heart to shreds. He was insulting me and telling me that he had never cared. I was absolutely devastated, but once I got through the toughest parts of the breakup I felt like a new person.
I do not claim to be the expert on dealing with heartbreak, but there were a few things that I learned from my experience that I felt would be beneficial to share. The first being that it is never wrong to have loved someone. The first few weeks of my breakup I felt nothing but regret for having loved a person who ended things so terribly. It is good to get any regret you may feel for that person out of your system because no matter what you will always carry a piece of them with you. It could be anything from memories you have, habits you’ve adopted, to actual physical possessions that remind them of you. This person was a major part of your life, regardless of the relationship length, and cleansing yourself of any fragment of them is nearly impossible. I do not recommend throwing almost everything in your room away, just because it reminds you of them like I did. The cost it takes to replace all the stuff is too much, compared to the little bit of relief it might give you.
The next thing I recommend is to lean on those close to you. If you can rely on your family/friends to help you through this time, it will be incredibly beneficial. Heartbreak taught me that the true “loves of my life” were my friends and family. They were there for me through the entire process and showed me what real unconditional love is. I don’t think I could ever thank them enough.
Going through a heartbreak is difficult, but once you work through it you can come out on the other side knowing that you’re perfectly fine alone and that your value does not diminish. It is also perfectly fine to go through a breakup and heartbreak just to feel like you still need a relationship. You can use your experience as a way to find someone who is better suited for you and will enhance your life, not define it. At the end of the day, no partner is more important than you and your mental wellbeing. Use this time to give all the love you gave them to yourself so that by the time you’re ready to get back out there you’ll know who you are and what you want. Time really does mend a broken heart, as cliche as it sounds. You just have to come to peace with the path you’re on and if that person is not on it with you, you can find someone who is.