Our chapter has brought forth a story on how to deal with the aftermath of an abortion, now let’s talk about miscarriages.
What is a Miscarriage?
A miscarriage is defined as a loss of a pregnancy before the twentieth week. This usually occurs due to abnormalities within the fetus. Actually, these medical catastrophes are more common than people might think. For every ten pregnancies, one to two ends in a miscarriage. This unfortunate event can happen to anyone, and it is important to point out that it is no one’s fault.
This was something that was hard for me to understand. It was my first time dealing with all the emotions of intimacy, so when I knew, it had happened to me, I believed I caused it. I truly thought that what I was feeling and experiencing was something I brought solely on myself. Was it too much stress? Did I not treat my body with love and care? Why do I care so much about something I didn’t even know I had?
Acknowledging Grief
The question I asked the most was, “Why do I care so much about something I didn’t even know I had?” I did not want to feel the full range of emotions of what I just went through. I knew my partner and I were not ready, so why care?
I realized it wasn’t about not being ready, it was about knowing you had all this love in you and now you had nowhere to place it. Overnight, I had gained love that I never felt before, and it was from having this knowledge that I could create such a powerful thing with someone that I truly love.
Yes, I am still very young and nowhere near ready to have a baby or even get married. However, this is something I still struggle with occasionally and even get emotional about. It is okay to feel your range of emotions, even when it is an event you were not expecting. Numbness, sadness, anger and guilt are all common feelings in this process. Allow yourself to accept these feelings and give yourself the grace you deserve, take the time to properly handle it moving forward.
Seek Help
I believed that I should have kept this experience between myself and my partner. That no one would understand. There is always someone who understands. It’s all about making yourself comfortable with telling people.
With seeking help, sometimes we have to expect disappointment. Navigating through this can be extremely difficult and isolating. Reach out to family and friends, peers and mentors, people you trust. What you have gone through is valid! There are also support groups and meetings for people who have also gone through this. Medically, doctors will base your treatment on the certain symptoms you have. For example, a doctor might recommend no sex, no use of tampons or put anything near your vaginal area until you are healed. Having support, physically and mentally, is a valuable resource for finding solidarity in your journey.
What’s Next?
The pain of a miscarriage may never fully disappear, however, with time, you will start to find yourself slowly moving on. It’s okay to have setbacks or even feel joy again. Feel your feelings! Whatever you feel, know that there is no right or wrong way to handle your grief or your joy.
Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and happiness in the future!
The Miscarriage and Abortion Hotline: 1 (833) 246-2632