What I love most about college is the feeling of liberation. Especially in a place like New York City, you have the freedom to do what you want, wear what you want, and most importantly: be whoever the heck you want. College is where you learn all about yourself. It’s where you shape your ideas, your values, and your whole being before stepping into the real world. With that said, some of us might find ourselves in a place where we’ve realized that we’ve completely changed; we’ve grown out of our high-school selves. And sometimes, that change can be hard to accept.
At one point, I ended up in that very position. I couldn’t fathom who I was becoming, and making the situation worse, I felt like my old friends couldn’t understand me either. Not only did I feel judged by those friends, but I found myself judging them too. I felt like our values were so different that it was hard for us to get along like we used to. They were changing, and I was changing, but we failed to address that.
College is your time. Growing and changing is part of the experience. What we have to recognize is that if you’re the same person you were back in high-school, there’s something wrong. Obviously, none of us want to let go of ourselves completely, but certain things are bound to change, and we need to learn to appreciate those changes instead of running away from them. Don’t hold yourself back, because growth is the process through which we learn who we really are.
I wasn’t ready to let go of myself or my old buddies. It was like having to choose between myself and my friends, but I couldn’t choose either one. I would pretend to be someone else around them, and then a completely different person when I was with my college friends. You can guess that took a toll on my mental health. I couldn’t keep up with two personalities, and I certainly hated being my old self. Everything I never liked about myself was coming to light.
A lot of your ‘friends’ are going to try and bring you down, intentionally or unintentionally. They’ll tell you that you’ve changed in the most negative way possible, and then you’ll contemplate who you’ve become. But the fact is that real friends will always stick around. Those who are meant to be in your life will not only accept you for whoever you are, but they’ll be there to encourage you and support you through all the ups and downs. When you’re going through changes, you’ll be able to recognize your true homies, and those are the people you need to surround yourself with.
The problem is a bit deeper, though. The thing is, we’re terrified of being ourselves. College is only bringing out the real you, but you’re afraid to be who you were sought out to be because you’re fearful of the judgment that comes with it. Yes, there’s going to be people who are going to question your behaviors. There’s going to be people who no longer want to be your friend because you’re not the person they knew. There are going to be days where you don’t know who you are. But that is part of life.
Just remember that acceptance starts with you. If you’re satisfied with where you’re going, and you have confidence in who you are, nobody can hold you back. Remember, it really doesn’t matter ‘what people think’ because at the end of the day, this is your life, and it all comes down to what you choose to do with it. The last thing that’ll matter is what so-and-so said about you 2 years ago. What matters is whether or not you know how to stand on your feet and own up to who you are now. How are we supposed to find success and happiness if we’re struggling to find ourselves? Think about that.
Be yourself. Accept the changes. Cherish your growth. The time is now!