Coming into college, I loved the idea of independence, or the ideal of being my own person. I was in New York City! There’s no better place to learn how to ‘adult’. I was excited and I was ready. Yet, that quickly faded away once I actually got here. The thing with big cities is that they can be lonely. It’s hard to make it here if you can’t accept the idea of loneliness. I had a hard time exploring these new feelings. Some days I quite literally couldn’t navigate on my own and would end up lost in NYC. I felt scared, and like I had nobody.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t amongst those students who got over their fears and were thriving on their own. My first month continued to be rough, and I was searching for a safe place. I needed a shoulder to lean on, and so I ended up dating a boy two weeks into us getting to know each other. This wasn’t a smart move. In the moment I felt very content. I was doing well in school and I had someone to let my guard down with after a long day. Obviously, that didn’t last. You have to be really lucky to find your soulmate your first semester of freshman year, but that should not hold you back from meeting new people. College is the time for self-discovery, you shouldn’t hold yourself down and nor should you be holding anyone else down. There were a lot of people out there for us to meet.
After we broke up, I didn’t really know how to act. I’d spent almost every single day of the past three months with this singular person, and somewhere along the way I forgot to build a life for myself. I found myself in a dark place and my grades were evidence of it, I was choosing to sulk instead of moving forward. I was being ridiculous, but in the moment it didn’t feel the way. It wasn’t until I heard the words “You’re dependent” from a friend of mine that the situation really hit me in the face. Apparently, everyone knew it except for me.
Despite my rough start, I am more than satisfied with where I am now. It took me winter break to get my shit together, but when I came back to college I felt like a new self. I reached out to all those people I’d met the first semester that I didn’t give enough time or value to, and I met some more. I joined new clubs and made friends with people who enjoyed the same things I did. I took time to myself, I explored what I liked and what I wanted, and focused my time on the things that mattered to me. I was ready to build myself up.
I feel that we really have to take a moment and comprehend that being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s a place for realization and growth. College is where you should prioritize yourself. Learning to be alone is a hard skill to master, but once you do, you’ll find yourself at ease. There’s no joy like being able to stand up on your two feet with confidence. Here’s my advice:
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· Find your people! College can be frightening sometimes, so you do want to have a team to go down the rabbit hole with. Contrary to popular belief though, you don’t need a set ‘group’ in college. Just find the people who match your energy, and all else will flow. And if you feel like you’re having a tough time making friends, reach out to people, join clubs, and just make sure to put yourself out there. The right ones will come along!
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· Don’t actively search for someone to fall in love with. I say this from experience, it never ends well. Many people do end up meeting their soulmates in college, but you’ve got to let it find its way to you. Not to be discouraging, but most college flings are merely just that: flings. You have to understand college dating culture in order to avoid heartbreak.
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· Prioritize yourself. You came to college for a reason, so focus on that. Break down the path to your career goals. Secure that GPA. Just focus on what’s important. Planners are your best friend. And last but not least, being organized gives you a whole other feeling of liberation as well.
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· Recognize that your ability to be on your own is remarkable. Your mind set matters a lot here. If you think positive, you’ll get a positive outcome. You’re independent. That’s a big deal. Take yourself out sometime, you’ll enjoy it. Just you.
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Some days may be gloomier than others, but just be patient. You have to be able to experience different circumstances in order to grow. Isn’t that what college is really about anyway –a growing experience? You got this.