NovShavember has drawn to a close, and soon many of our male compadres will be baring their freshly-shaved cheeks to the cold winter air. No longer will they look as if they took their facial cues from an Urban Outfitters catalogue or like they crawled from the bowels of Bushwick, and in honor of having the boys come home (looks-wise), let’s do something slightly off track but in tune with the holiday season.
Let’s give thanks for men.
Nothing has been put on this Earth that gives girls equal parts delight and madness. We love getting their texts as much as we hate deciphering them; we like the right guy giving us the once-over as much as we can’t stand the wrong scrub hollering. We love and hate all of you, men, and even when you can quote Archer like a boss but can’t remember to put the f***ing seat down.
Because how hard is it to put the seat up?!
That’s why, in the midst of the girl-power rush, ladies need to remember the guys for a bit. Lately it seems that while bemoaning the small population of men that are jerk we’ve failed to acknowledge those that aren’t. When you watch videos featuring a girl walking down the street having men hoot and harass her, keep in mind those men are a very small part of the population; when you get over-saturated with the over-perfected stars and models, know not all guys go for that. Not all guys even believe that.
It’s difficult, to be sure.
It’s not like they get off easy. Someone the other night said that, how guys “literally go through nothing while all we do is get objectified.” Please, ladies, for the love of God, don’t take that attitude. Guys aren’t feeling-less robots programmed to have sex and destroy. They have pressures to look good; they get objectified. They get bombarded with ads dictating style and look; they’ve dealt with the Magic Mike.
Pictured above: no man you actually know.
We also drive them crazy. Can you really say we don’t and have an honest sleep that night? How many times did you get angry at a guy for something and realize he probably wasn’t just getting it because of the ever-apparent chromosomal divide? And let’s be real, some of us say this thing when we really mean that thing and we just don’t understand how they didn’t get it in the first place and really how can we be with them if they just don’t know us at all?!
We also break their hearts. A guy in love is kind of like a puppy, and watching a guy going through a miserable break-up is like seeing a baby lab get punted across a football field. They get devoted and just as willing to please as any girl would, and if a girl says no or is caught playing the field it hurts just the same. They get swayed by female opinion and get into fights over girls. Think girls don’t have any influence? It’s a historical fact we do: Justinian and Theodora; Cleopatra and Julius Caesar; Beyoncé and Jay-Z.
Try to deny, bitches.
So don’t be jaded; don’t eschew actual guys for the current idea of what a guy is. Instead let’s say thanks for men. Let’s be grateful for all the door-holders and “after you”-ers, the got-gamers and smooth-talkers. We love you, guys, beards and all.