So…you’re dating exclusively. He’s sexy, smart, charming, and all yours. Sure, you don’t always agree with his methods, but you love him. Dating in college can be rough. You’ve been entertaining guys with mixed intentions, and ulterior motives. It’s taken you months, maybe even years, but you feel as though you’ve finally found someone whose priorities line up with your own. You can see yourself with him after graduation… but are you wasting your time with him? These red flags will tell you if you’re dating an a**hole.
- He can’t walk past a reflective surface without stopping to admire himself
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He looks good. You know it, he knows it, other people can easily see it. There’s a fine line between confident and cocky, and he’s tip-toeing it. He’s full of himself, and this is most obviously indicative of that.
- More subtly, his screensaver is a photo of himself
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Or worse, it’s a photo of the two of you together that you’ve expressed that you find unflattering. He refuses to change it because he finds himself attractive in it. This goes back to the first yellow flag… He’s full of himself, with little room left over to care about you or your feelings.
- Your friends, parents, and/or siblings don’t like him
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While this can be attributed to a variety of things, it often signifies before you’re aware yourself, that the two of you are not compatible. The people in your life, ideally, want the best for you… if they don’t like your significant other, then they don’t believe he fits into that category.
- He’s inconsiderate
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This can range from something as small as constantly leaving the toilet seat up, watching shows you agreed to watch together without you, to cancelling plans after you’ve arrived at the designated meeting spot. Sure, things happen, but consistently, this type of behavior demonstrates that he does not lend any forethought to your being a serious part of his life or any weight to the trust you’ve afforded him in expecting him to do what he’s said he would. If he routinely breaks small promises, he cannot be expected to adhere to big ones.
- He belittles, or shows no interest at all in your interests
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You’re happy to let him gab away about the things that interest him outside of you, and your mutual interests. But he totally zones out when you talk about yours or, worse, makes fun of you for doing the things that make you happy. He judges you. Makes you feel weird or different. This is a red flag. While he doesn’t have to love everything that you do, he should definitely not be making you feel bad about what you do.
- He doesn’t ask about you/ only talks about himself
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He doesn’t ask about you, because he doesn’t care to know about you… sorry. He only thinks to talk about himself and why he’s upset or his success, not you or how you may feel.
- He “sucks at giving gifts”
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It’s your birthday, he wants to take you out to dinner, but instead of asking what you want to eat, he takes you to his favorite spot. It’s valentine’s day, and instead of making romantic gestures, he gets you lingerie. It’s Christmas, and instead of the quality time you wanted, he gets a second Xbox controller so you can play games with him. On the surface, these all seem like nice gestures, but these gifts directly benefit him in the long run., There is no thought to your individual interests behind these gifts.
- He’s selfish in bed
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He does all the taking, none of the giving. Or he gives terribly, and doesn’t take criticism well. Sex is over when he’s finished. He is using you as a secondary means of masturbation, cares nothing for your pleasure, and probably never will.
- He continually makes decisions that affect both of you, in his own favor, or without consideration to the way it will inconvenience you
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It isn’t that he didn’t ‘think it all the way through.’ He acknowledged that you would not appreciate what would transpire, and decided that what he wanted in that moment outweighed the negative affect his actions would have on you, and decided to proceed.
- He can’t communicate
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You address an issue you have with your behavior and he brushes it off. Or worse, he counters your complaint with a complaint about you, which remained previously unaddressed. Every time you address behavior that you don’t like, he wants to argue, or drop it without apologizing, or acknowledging any wrongdoing. This is a HUGE red flag. He doesn’t see what he’s doing wrong because he does not care about the effect his actions have on others. Sorry sis, but that includes you.
So remember ladies…. It’s the principles of the things he does or lacks of doing. If he cannot, or refuses to understand the issue behind the situation after you’ve addressed it, RUN. It’s a small disagreement now, but will definitely become a full blown problem in the years to come.