Not labelling a relationship in black and white terms is pretty par for the course in the dating world of 2021.
But that’s not to say that the uncertainty is always comfortable.
If you’re having reservations about how you feel about your current dating situation, it may be worth taking some time to tune into the deeper feelings behind your ambivalence. If you neglect to pay attention to your own emotions, your mental wellbeing may suffer as a result – and that sure won’t alleviate any confusion.
Here are 5 self-empowering truths to remember, if you’re not sure where you stand in your new dating venture.
1. Worry less about if they like you, and more about if you even like them.
This first one is important: Get selfish for a minute. And by selfish, I actually mean “take care of yourself and allow yourself to access your own feelings.”
Remember that your time and energy are valuable. Rather than spending your energy outside of what you can influence, don’t be afraid to do what you can, or need to, to secure your own feelings. The person you’re seeing may indeed be great, but, they may not be great for you. Really tune into what you need right now, and take time to scout out if the guy or girl you’re involved with can offer that.
This being said, whilst concentrating on you and your sphere of influence, there’s no need to apply pressure on yourself. You both may need to take it slow to figure out exactly what you are to each other, and that’s ok!
What is important, though, is that you match expectations with the person you’re seeing. Try your best to be as honest and transparent about what you’re feeling, even if it is just expressing uncertainty itself. With any luck, this transparency will be reciprocated. This person does not need to be 100% sure about things in order to relate his/her uncertainty back to you.
2. Rejection, if it does happen, is not as personal as it will initially feel.
Liking someone or being like is more about compatibility than inherent worth. Just as some people will not be for you, you will not be for everyone and this is ok.
Above all, remember that if things don’t pan out how you wanted, or somebody is expressing uncertainty over further commitment with you, it is not representative of you not being good enough. It most likely means that the other person has some inner work to do before they will be ready to give more of themselves to anybody else. The sooner that this is communicated with you, the better.
3. Stop choosing what isn’t choosing you.
If somebody who you are interested in is not reciprocating mutual respect, you can perhaps gain some insight into what this person’s communication skills may be like in the future.
If you are noticing patterns of hurtful behaviour, take them seriously and don’t allow yourself to be shocked by its recurrence.
If you do feel curious as to where you stand, don’t be afraid to ask. Wanting to know how another person perceives you indicative that you are needy or overbearing. It is simply human nature.
If this person doesn’t bring out the best in you: run!
4. Ask yourself: would you be friends with this person if you weren’t physically attracted to them? Be honest
Self-reflection is always worth making time for. Some questions that you could ask yourself might be:
If this is more than just a bit of fun, would you feel safe and comfortable spending extended periods of time with this person, being truly yourself?
Does this person have the traits of your current or lifelong close friends? Or are they just exciting?
If he or she had “As Is” stamped on their forehead, would this disappoint you? Or, do you wish there were major parts of their personality that you could change?
If it is just a bit of fun, that’s cool too. Just make sure you are looking after your emotional needs elsewhere.
5. Your love life is just one area of your life
Lastly, whilst dating can feel like a big deal, keep in mind that it is just one segment of your ‘life’s orange’. Whilst so much is happening with your dating world, do not neglect the rest.