Flicking the bean. Finger painting. Petting the cat. Whatever you call it, most of us do it. Masturbate. That word that makes you cringe and act coy. Wank, masturbate, cum, we all secretly do it so why is it so taboo for women to talk openly about It? Why is it something we are ignorant of in society and shun from our conversations with partners and friends? Why do we pretend we don’t when men can talk about it and we don’t think twice?
It’s the Harmful lack of education and open conversation that reinforces this harmful stigma that maintains the masturbation gap. Girls from a young age are sheltered from their own sexuality and their, our, pleasure is swept under the rug in a bid to reduce our exposure to ‘sinful’ acts. Acts that are purely natural.
According to a 2010 research article, 76% of women say they masturbate, or have masturbated although, if you were to ask that 76% if they were honest about their masturbating habits with friends, I can assume that most don’t talk openly about it and feel shameful about their activities. I know I’d be a part of that figure, and most of my friends too. When talking to my friends about masturbation we all agree that the sense of shame is overwhelming. It forces us to retreat into an attitude of taboo about the whole ordeal.
Even when I was looking up statistics for this post, I came across a plethora of confessions almost on sites such as Quora, in which young girls were admitting their shame around their masturbating habits. They would express sentiments that ‘they don’t know if it’s weird’ or if it’s ‘shameful’ or ‘sinful’, even asking if anyone else feels the same after they masturbate. These harmful thoughts from a young age impact us as grown women, we’re made to feel that our pleasure is secondary and shunned from sex and society.
Even talking to your friends about it makes young girls turn to forums anonymously to receive the two words they want to hear from a stranger. The two words that it’s okay.
So, if we can’t be honest and open with our friends then when can we?
They key to closing the gap is education and conversation, it’s time to be frank about our wanks (and orgasms too).
Brands such as Love Honey and Dame, just to name two, strive to end the stigma of female sexual pleasure and provide an educational basis in which they accommodate for the needs of female intimacy, with oneself or a partner. They do what society should do, teach us it’s not only okay, but important. Sex positive brands that cater to not only male pleasure but that of women too are paving the way for new standards. They’re painting the new, improved, canvas of sex in a sex positive light, one that seeks to change the damaging societal norms around sex and female sexual expression.
Sex positivity should also be taught in schools. Secondary school sex education should consider the fact that for many of us, sex and sexual pleasure isn’t just for reproduction purposes. We should be encouraging adolescents to be honest and open, to reduce the stigma and have conversations with your friends. It should be teaching sex positivity like love honey and dame are focusing on.
Sex and sexual pleasure are integral parts to being human. It’s time to break down the walls that put a barrier up between us and openness about sex so we can walk into the future of destigmatized female pleasure.