Navigating life and the pathway we want to take in young adulthood, may be one of the most challenging things we, as university students have faced thus far: the constant pressure from peers on a faster career trajectory, family in your ear asking you what you want to do with your life and a constant fear of disappointing the people you love. All these things are normal, anxiety in an environment where academic success is perceived to be the only thing that gives our life value, leads to debilitating thoughts. I recently listened to a podcast by Steven Bartlett on A Diary Of
a CEO, featuring Dr. Christopher Kerr, a deathbed doctor who interviewed patients on their deathbeds and analysed his findings. Listening to the views of people days away from dying, their regrets in life and the things they valued the most, really opened my eyes to what life is really about, and the things that, as we near old age, we remember.
There were two key things that were mentioned that really stood out to me. Firstly, in a discussion based on regrets after death it was discussed that regrets donāt come to the surface unless directly asked. Many people, towards the end of their life, resurface their focus to their loved ones. This was reflected in an empirical study, where medical students were asked to rank 1-11, which of many categories mattered the most to a dying patient who was at the end of their life. Their consensus for which was most important was ātime with family and friendsā. In contrast, Dr.Kerrās empirical study with the deathbed patients suggested it was ānot being a burden to family and friendsā. This highlights what really matters in death, particularly in how we define success and independence. We live in a culture that celebrates self-sufficiency, productivity and financial independence. These values create the belief that our worth is connected to what we contribute to society and how little we need from others. But we are inherently interdependent, at different stages of life; we will need support and the fear of becoming a burden may reveal something about the pressure that we feel to remain independent and useful even when we are vulnerable. As university students, we spend years trying to become successful enough to make people proud without thinking necessarily about what people need from us; they may value our heart and kindness more than our achievements.
Secondly, there is a prevalent theme of death being the moment that we are the most vulnerable. Dr.Kerr states that heās seen people who have committed various crimes, pouring out to him in an interview about the people they love and the impacts they had on them, regardless of material possessions. This highlights the importance of love, connection and memories. In difficult situations itās important to remember we are only young; we have the whole world in front of us and there are endless opportunities to succeed, even if that is later in life, but what matters the most is connection, being there for those that love you, making memories that count, going on adventures and using the time we have to the fullest; not stressing about what comes next, but looking forward to it. Possibilities are endless, especially when we have so much time to figure it out, while working hard and chasing your dreams
is something we all should do, the journey can be enjoyable, and our success should not come at the expense of our happiness.