Losing your authenticity while trying to be different. It’s a mistake we all make.
Maybe we try so hard to be different from everyone else because we want to feel special. For example, when you see someone else wearing the same clothes as you, when someone tells you they’re also a fan of your favourite film, or when you realise that a hobby that brings you comfort and peace makes someone else feel exactly the same way, it can feel a little strange. Sometimes, we might even take it personally.
But why are we so obsessed with being different? At the end of the day, we’re all human. How different can we really be?
That’s exactly why I think we often confuse being different with being authentic. We don’t have to love things nobody else loves or wear clothes nobody else wears to be authentic. Someone else loving your favourite film doesn’t make it any less yours. Maybe authenticity isn’t about doing things nobody else does, but about making sure the things you do genuinely come from you.
Clean girl, “…” aesthetic, Type B, it girl, old money, trad wife, WAG… and countless other trends that turn people into brands.
Maybe the reason these trends attract so much attention is that they don’t just tell us what to wear, but also who to be. Because trying to figure out who we are on our own can be exhausting and overwhelming. I suppose there’s a little bit of Fleabag in all of us. Sometimes, we just want someone to tell us what to do, what to wear, what to love, and who to be.
That girl, new money, rockstar girlfriend, frazzled English woman… We already have a pretty clear idea of how each of them dresses, what they buy, what they do in their free time, and even how they behave. So when we choose one of these identities and label ourselves accordingly, we feel as though we’ve finally found the answer to the question, “Who am I?”
And that’s exactly where we begin to lose our authenticity.
There are so many things that wouldn’t interest us if they weren’t trending. An outfit we wouldn’t normally look twice at suddenly becomes appealing when it’s labelled “old money”. An activity we’d never considered trying suddenly catches our attention when it becomes part of a “that girl morning routine”.
Eventually, we start struggling to tell the difference between “Do I actually like this?” and “Do I like this because I’ve been told I should?”
We even find ourselves spending ridiculous amounts of money on a toy we wouldn’t have given a second glance to if we’d seen it in a shop, simply because it’s gone viral.
What’s more, we’re no longer just trying to figure out what to do, but also exactly how to do it.
Before going somewhere, we look up what to wear, what to order, and where to take pictures. We’re rehearsing moments before we’ve even lived them.
And this also takes away our spontaneity.
Maybe that’s one of the reasons why the past feels so nostalgic to us: spontaneity.
How many of us would randomly decide to go to the cinema and watch a film without knowing anything about it? How many of us would pick up a random book and start reading it? How many of us would go out without making plans? How many of us would strike up a conversation with a stranger and unexpectedly make a new friend?
I also think these boxes we put ourselves into change the way we see the world.
They take away our individuality and turn us into products. Ironically, while trying so hard to be different, we’re all becoming the same product.
It’s almost as if we’re afraid to express our own personalities. Even brands have started to look more ordinary, more black and white. We’re all becoming a little more robotic.
And this doesn’t just apply to products. It applies to what’s happening in the world, too.
Social media, with its constantly changing trends and endless stream of things we’re expected to keep up with, is making us more alike.
Everyone is trying to keep up with every controversy, every piece of drama, every meme. Those who can’t keep up are told to “increase their screen time”, while people who disagree with something everyone else supports become targets of online hate campaigns.
At some point, even our opinions stop feeling like our own.
The internet can suddenly switch sides, and we all rush to follow it and be part of it.
Someone we all loved yesterday becomes someone we all hate today. Something we all made fun of yesterday becomes something we’re all doing today.
Don’t you think that’s exhausting and restrictive? Doesn’t it feel like your freedom is slowly being taken away?
So let’s change that. At least for ourselves.
Let’s stop letting TikTok choose our outfits. Let’s make our own lists of “things you absolutely need for university”. Let’s stop typing my type, my music, my movie, my colour, my vibe into search bars.
Let’s stop being products and start creating.
Let’s take up new hobbies without waiting for the internet to decide which one suits us best every single time.
Wear your yellow scarf today. Put on your pink shoes. Don’t ask Pinterest whether they match.
Play a song you’ve never heard before. Pick up a book simply because you like its cover. Go out without making any plans.
Not everything you do has to fit into a category.
Sometimes, you can wear a yellow scarf simply because you like the colour yellow.