I got into an argument the other day with a couple of boys who didnât seem to see the harm caused by calling women âbirdsâ. I called them out on it, and explained how dehumanising it is – not only being âotheredâ and denied the status of human, but also through the comparison of women to a small and generally vulnerable animal. Their rebuttal was that calling women âbirdsâ or âchicksâ canât be sexist because women call men things too, their example being that women call men âfellasâ, which I argued has *entirely* different connotations, and doesnât dehumanise men and compare them to a weak animalâŠ
It really got me thinking about the sexist language that has embedded itself into our everyday society, language use, vernacular, and conversation, and how often harm comes from everyday language that implicitly reinforces gendered stereotypes of women as weak, inferior, emotional, and irrational. The scariest thing is how young it starts.
Girls, as soon as they are born, are forced into a pink agenda, with newborn outfits having bows, frills, lace, and delicacy, where baby boysâ clothes have cars and trucks and animals. A cute little boy âlooks like heâll break hearts when he grows upâ but little girls get told by their dads that they canât date until they’re 30. From the moment that a babyâs sex is determined, their whole existence becomes gendered, and from the second that they are born, gendered expectations start to become apparent. Baby girls are kept delicate and dressed in pale, unassuming, gentle colours, and tiny bows, where a baby boyâs babygrow is navy blue with a patchwork tractor. I can admit that these are stereotypes, but think about pink vs blue symbolism at a baby shower, and seriously consider the image that comes to mind when you think of a baby girl, and compare it to what you think of when you think of a baby boy – you might realise that the stereotype is less exaggerated than you think. These babies then grow up, and are exposed to different toys. Google âcolouring book for boysâ and you’ll be met with images of gaming, dinosaurs, sports, and superheroes. Ask the same thing for girls, and their colouring books are filled with bows, princesses, fashion, and flowers. Again, from such a young age, girls are conditioned to affiliate with delicate, quiet, dainty hobbies, where boys are allowed to take up more space and encouraged to be louder.
These gendered subtleties can be found everywhere in life, and many of us just accept them as part and parcel of life, but these stereotypes that are exposed to children from the beginning of their life manifest to become much more dangerous as they grow up. From a young age, girls are conditioned to be quiet and considerate, and the weaker of the sexes compared to their male counterparts; in primary school it was always âwhich strong boy is going to carry the chairs for me?â which has worrying implications later in life, in sexual contexts, workplace contexts, and domestic spheres.
Language surrounding purity culture and sex becomes vastly different for men and women, and slang for female genitalia is either hugely offensive, or connotes to disgust or weakness, whereas slang for male genitalia is just a shruggable offence; “they’re such a dickheadâ cannot be compared to “theyâre such a pussyâ – the latter being arguably more offensive, and relies on the determination that being âa pussyâ is synonymous with cowardice, and donât even get me started on how the c word gets used. Women are sluts or whores, whereas men are mansluts or manwhores, where the gender specific prefix âmanâ is compounded with words historically used to describe womenâs promiscuity, and implies that this kind ofbehaviour is uncommon for men, and the prefix is needed in order to associate âslutishâ behaviour with the male gender. Slang words used to describe sex are inherently violent (âI cracked herâ,âwe smashedâ,âwould you hit?â) and language around female virginity is framed as though a woman will be changed after having sex: âdefloweredâ,âlost her virginityâ,âpopped her cherryâ all centre around the idea of pain or loss, makes sex seem scary and painful, and implies that women will be less than they were before, which is imagery that does not follow men when they have sex for the first time.
You can have âa family manâ or âa family guyâ, but not âa family womanâ, because it is already expected that by being a woman, your family is your priority, and you are automatically made to accommodate the domestic labour that comes with that – a dad will get praised for behaviour that a mum just does unnoticed because it is what is expected of her.
I could write a whole thesis on how sexism finds its way into every part of our lives. It is not always loud misogynistic gestures that cause the most harm; the quiet misogyny that lives in our everyday language use, breeds sexist rhetoric into the foundations of our society and often lives entirely unnoticed and unchecked. Women have always been described using language that weakens them and encourages them to be discrete and soft, or commodifies and shames them, yet the same language does not hold up the same against men.