Things You Learn After A Break Up

You never enter a relationship with the consideration that it may inevitably end. 


Every new relationship or love feels like it could last forever and you can handle anything that gets thrown at you. When and if the end of the relationship does come around, whether or not it was mutual, a breakup is always difficult. 


You’re used to living your life as an ‘us’, you factored in your significant other into most of the plans you made, they’re in all your stories and you probably associated many mundane things and moments with them. Having to deal with a new reality, a life without them, can be jarring, even if it wasn’t necessarily a painful break up. It’s quite easy to feel overwhelmed and feel like your world is imploding.


Even though society, friends and even movies define breakups as sad and tragic events, you don’t always need to see it this way. Sometimes coming out of a long term relationship is the beginning of your growth into the best version of yourself, whether you realise it or not. 


Having recently come out of a 4 year relationship, here are some of the positive realisations I have come to...


1. You suddenly have so much more time for yourself and others close to you. 

When you’re in a relationship, you’re most likely constantly finding time to spend or speak to your significant other. Often you prioritise this relationship over your friendships or even time for yourself. Once the relationship comes to an end, you’re left with all this time you would otherwise spend communicating or seeing them. It’s really easy to spend this time feeling upset that you can’t pick up the phone and call them. Alternatively, you could spend this time calling up old friends, having quality time with your housemates or even reading that book you never got the chance to finish. 


2. You realise you have to start loving yourself. 

Lots of people use their relationships as a source of validation, being in a relationship means you always feel wanted, loved, beautiful. You have someone else to tell you, you are special. Sometimes this means that you don’t really believe it yourself - that you are amazing and beautiful. When you come out of a relationship, you only have you to convince yourself that you are all those things. You learn that your relationship with yourself is the most important and the only opinion about you that matters is your own. 


3. You learn that you are not defined by your relationship. 

It can be very easy to lose your sense of self or individuality. People often identify you as “so and so’s girlfriend/ boyfriend” and you realise a lot of the things you spent your time doing or thought you loved were influenced by your significant other. When you come out of the relationship, you have the opportunity to make decisions for yourself and figure out who you are without them. It can be quite a confusing time, especially if you are the type of person who gives up a lot of themselves in a relationship, but the process of figuring yourself out can be so much fun. I’m taking the time to get to know myself, trying new things, meeting new people and it’s super insightful.