‘If only I knew then what I know now.’
It’s such a clichéd phrase and yet probably everyone reading this has said it at least once in their lifetime or something along those lines. There were so many things that kept me up at night because I was worried about the future and what could happen, sending me into overdrive; the list is endless! It’s so easy to be able to criticise your past self in hindsight, but equally, being able to identify where you went wrong is so beneficial in allowing you to be the best you can be now. Here are my four pieces of advice that I would give my younger self (I was probably crying about something dumb like losing a pen at the time):
1. You don’t need to have your future planned out
No matter how thoroughly you plan out your future in terms of the career you want or the age by which you want to be married, plans change and there’s no getting away from it. I was so sure that I wanted to be a teacher when I left secondary school but since I’ve been at uni and written for HCN, I’m now leaning more towards journalism. In a similar vein, I thought I was going to do a masters but now, as soon as I graduate, I just want to get a job and start earning because then I can start saving to rent a place as I’m so ready to move out – no offence mum!
The number of times my family have asked me, ‘have you thought about what you want to do as a career yet?’ and I used to panic and just give them a random job title just to get them off my back. Now, I can see that they were just making conversation but at the time, I felt so unprepared even though I was only about 16. Frankly, there’s no time limit or cut-off point by which you have to decide everything. Although it’s so tempting to look to the future all of the time, it’s far better to live in the moment which nicely links to my next piece of advice.
2. Try to live in the moment – don’t overthink!
I’m such an over-thinker, constantly second-guessing myself and over-analysing what people say but I’m a lot better now than I was. It’s a trait that is far more common in women as a study in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease has confirmed that women overthink more than men do (graziadaily.co.uk, There’s A Scientific Reason Why You’re Always Overthinking Everything). One of the main reasons for this is that not only has the entire population become totally self-absorbed (the businesswomanmedia.com, Why women over-think and how to stop it) and inward-looking as a result of the media but on top of this, women have been made to feel more insecure and vulnerable with cases such as Sarah Everard adding to our anxiety even further.
Anyway, without getting too political, overthinking always does more harm than good as it’s likely that none of the scenarios in your head will actually happen; overthinking leads to worrying for no reason whatsoever. In the past, I got so worked up about people who I haven’t even come into contact with since because life moves on and so should you. Now, I try to give myself daily goals to complete such as going on a walk or trying out a new recipe in order to focus on enjoying each moment as it comes.
3. Always be true to yourself
I feel like everyone has told a white lie or tried to present the best version of themselves at least once before. Going on a first date is a perfect example because naturally, you want to look your best. Then, compare this to when you’re a year into the relationship and you basically don’t care about your appearance. Best feeling ever! However, keeping up a pretence for a long period of time can have a detrimental impact on your mental health. You should never feel uncomfortable being yourself in any situation.
I know it can be hard to open up and be confident when we live in a society that controls us, women in particular, through fear of being judged or even assaulted because of what we wear, how we act or the impression that we give off. I know I’ve definitely thought twice about the length of my dress or skirt that I’m wearing and that’s with a pair of tights on underneath. That said, it’s important that we don’t let this fear take over our lives.
As long as you’re true to yourself, it’s a win-win scenario because if people like you for who you are then your relationships with people will be natural and effortless. Equally, if they don’t like you then at least you haven’t betrayed yourself. It’s their loss after all!
4. Be ambitious, but don’t be hard on yourself if you fail!
When I was younger, I constantly used to worry about what people said about me or how they saw me, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Sometimes, this caused me to hold back and not put myself out there because I was afraid to fail and be judged. Looking back, I regret all of those times I didn’t put myself forward and now, I always volunteer for opportunities that will get me extra credit and recognition because why not?
I was definitely too harsh on myself when I made a mistake or didn’t pick something up straight away though and I’m still working on it. It’s important to remember that you can’t be put down for trying and it’s never the end of the world if you don’t succeed because there are so many more opportunities out there. The sky’s the limit! Wow, I think I just had my calling to be a motivational speaker.
I really recommend you do this exercise and write down some pieces of advice that you’d give to your younger self knowing what you know now. Reflecting on what you can do differently now ensures that the future will be brighter and better without having to plan ahead. What a win!