Things I’ve Learnt From my Housemates
Living with new people at university teaches you things your parents never did. The combination of experiences from Sheffield, Kent, Derby, and Bedford have united to teach me how to human!
1. I’ve been doing hot chocolates wrong. Make them on the hob; don’t be a peasant. I’ve spent twenty years pouring boiling water into hot chocolate powder as if it was a cup of tea and not treating it with any of the respect it deserves. So, I watched my housemates, and learned: Saucepan on hob, whisk up the milk to get it nice and frothy, boil it up (a little at first with the hot chocolate to make it into a paste) and voila. It tastes so much better.
2. Bread from Bird’s bakery is much tastier. Treat yourself (but freeze half the day you buy otherwise it and your optimism will grow mould and you will be sad).
3. Melted cheese on beans on toast will always be a meal to envy, no matter what the time of day.
4. Bleach is your best housemate (edit: the housemate who loves bleach is your best housemate). The toilet, sink, kitchen bin, post-party living room floor. It solves all your problems like no therapist ever could.
5. Beth’s bean burgers are a staple: peel, cut, and boil a sweet potato until mushy. Meanwhile, dice and fry an onion. Place in a bowl with a tin of kidney beans (drained), a clove of garlic (chopped finely) and mash them all together with a potato masher. Add a pinch of cumin, coriander, and paprika, and enough flour to make it all bind together (maybe ½ cup?). Shape into about 6-8 burgers, wrap in cling film, and freeze for about half an hour to make sure they keep their shape when you cook them. Then fry on the hob on high heat for about ten minutes until crispy on both sides.
6. If you receive post that is not for any of the people who actually live in your house (hi William, Martha, John, and Caroline), you can write ‘No longer at this address’ on the envelope and return it to a letterbox and your problem is solved.
7. Some people have ‘washes’ which are not in the shower or bath in the mornings, who knew?
8. Moroccan argon oil is really good for your hair, but also really bad for your bank account. Coconut oil is also extremely moisturising and nutritious for your hair, which you can get from the supermarket for half the price.
9. Cheap disposable razors are not worth it. They cut your skin, don’t last long and go rusty. You should invest in a good razor. This is the best thing I have brought in 2020: https://www.ffs.co.uk/. There are now three of these in our shared bathroom. ‘So smooth’ – my housemate’s daily review of my legs since said purchase.
10. Henry VII, despite the name, did not have eight wives.
11. Parkin tastes like caramelised bonfire and I love it. Thank you to The North.
12. I thought plants specifically needed sunlight; my housemate said that artificial light works too and then I realised I was arguing with a geneticist about plants and I was most definitely wrong. (Plants do in fact like all light. My windowsill is very grateful for the lessened burden.)
13. Humans are not meant to live alone.