The desire to be in a relationship and to feel loved is very normal. Allowing yourself to fall for someone and knowing that he or she is falling for you is a beautiful thing. However, there are instances where a relationship can, although sweet at the start, become sour quite quickly.
The reason why I have decided to write about unhealthy relationships is quite a personal one, as my mum was in one herself quite recently. All of the signs I am going to share with you were prevalent in her relationship, but it still took her months to reach out and get help. I am hoping that sharing these more serious signs will help at least one of you reading this article (or even someone you know).
By no means am I claiming to know the ins-and-outs of your relationship or label it ultimately “unhealthy” if you identify with one of these signs, and I’m not telling you to immediately break up with your partner if you identify one either – I am just flagging the importance of being aware of some of the more harmful traits that could arise in any relationship and stress the importance of identifying them early on.
1. Intensity
If your partner is trying to move the relationship to the next level and it feels too fast for you, then don’t go along with it just to please them. They should respect the fact that you want to go at your own pace!
Also, don’t feel like you have to text your partner 24/7, letting them know where you are and what you’re doing – your independence and your own time is important too and so are your boundaries.
2. Control
When someone tries to control your ideas, thoughts and actions usually in a very discrete and subtle manner, it is likely that you won’t realise that they are in fact doing so straight away, and sometimes it can take someone outside of your relationship (say, a family member or friend) to flag this first.
Some signs of control can be influencing or determining your actions, or maybe forcing you to do things that you’re not entirely comfortable with, or even ignoring you until they get their own way.
3. Isolation
When someone keeps you away from your friends and family, and instead makes you spend most or all of your time with them. They might begin to even question your relationships with your loved ones, or perhaps ask you to choose between them and your partner, or even stop you from seeing them completely. The potential problem with this is the position of isolation this may lead to, and in turn state of dependence on your partner.
4. Belittling
When someone does or says something to make you feel low and or undervalued. This could include frequent name-calling, making rude remarks and criticising the things you do or how you behave. It may seem like a joke at first but over time, after a few weeks, months or even years of this, comments can begin to hurt, and potentially grind you down.
5. Volatility
When someone has impulsive and unpredictable reactions that make you feel like you have to tread on eggshells around them. A volatile person is quick to turn on you and can sometimes show aggressive tendencies, whilst also being able to switch back to being extremely nice in a short space of time. The constant ups and downs of such mood swings in a relationship can become extremely draining!
6. Deflecting responsibility
When someone makes you feel responsible for things that are entirely out of your control.
It’s worth adding that everyone and the relationships that we form are unique, therefore you may not find that all of these traits are applicable to your relationship (if any at all!).
However, if your head is telling you that something is not quite right or your loved ones have raised their concerns about your wellbeing, regardless of your affection towards your partner, I would advise not to ignore the signs… instead reach out and seek some further help!