It’s date day. You detest the drunkenly impulsive post-Rock-City version of you that somehow found the courage to send a ‘so when are you taking me out?’ to her favourite Hinge match the other night, and it’s suddenly all a bit too real. But before the dread takes over and you start generating excuses you can use to cancel, remember that doing things that scare you is the best thing you can do for your confidence and growth, and take this article as a pep talk!
Here are the ten things I tell myself before a date to gulp down the grigio, get a grip, and go.
- This will either be a good first date, or a good story
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Let’s get the biggest cliché out of the way because everyone will tell you this, and for a good reason. If it’s a good date, congratulations, if it’s not, what a story. Picture yourself sitting the girlies down and unleashing the most animated juicy debrief of all time. In the end, sitting through the bad date may actually be worth having all your housemates in stitches at your re-enactments.
- Stop worrying about whether they will like you and focus on if you even like them
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It’s so easy as women under the patriarchy to become consumed by other peoples’ perceptions of us, and the premise of being rejected after putting your authentic self out there is the very reason first dates can be so scary. But whether they reject you or not isn’t in your control, so there is no point stressing over it. They will make their decision and either way you will have to accept that. You have your own decision to be focusing on! Do they make you laugh? Do you have the same values? Getting caught up in a spiral of desperation for their approval can distract you from acknowledging potential red flags.
- It’s supposed to be fun!
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Romanticise the getting ready process and use it as an opportunity for some serious self-care and pampering. Paint your nails, pop on a facemask, and light some candles. Hit play on whatever music makes you feel your sexiest. Quadruple check your outfit with your friends. If you want, have a glass of wine before you go but only one (ONE), you want to loosen up a little, not slurring your greetings.
- Stay safe by letting your friends know where you are
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An unfortunate reality about being a woman is that often the safest way to live is by preparing for the eventuality that any and every man is a threat. Take precautions, especially if this is someone you’ve met on a dating app. Sharing your location, meeting somewhere public, and ensuring your friends are in the loop allows for some peace of mind.
- Learn to laugh at yourself
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So what if it’s awkward? So what if there are silences or you said something a bit weird? All that means is that a random man that you’ve never met before thinks you said a weird thing. Let it go and find the humour in it. Embarrassment can’t exist unless you let it.
- People love talking about themselves
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The chances are, if you ask them questions that strike where they’re passionate, you’ve got a good first date. Make a conscious effort to be curious about their life and interests. Keep up the questions until you find that one thing they could talk for hours about. They’ll be happy and excited talking about their passions or hobbies and associate those positive feelings with you! I’d make a little list of questions to reserve for if you feel a silence creeping up on you.
- Their decision does not reflect on you
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The actions of others are almost always solely reflections of themselves. A lack of a second date doesn’t suggest that there’s anything wrong with you. It has way more to do with someone’s readiness to commit and how compatible you are.
- You don’t owe anyone anything
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If you’re not feeling it, you can always leave! If you’re too much of a people pleaser and want to spare your date’s feelings, maybe get a friend to call you and say they need you urgently. Classic.
- The literal meaning of life is to connect with other human beings
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Not to get too philosophical, but I really think we’re all here to make connections with each other and form friendships, relationships, and bonds, even if they’re as short-lived as a few dates. Dating is a great opportunity to just meet people and hear about their lives! You never know, you may end up realising you and your date are super compatible on a platonic level and come away with a new friend.
- Every person in your life is someone you once met for the first time
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Remember you’ve actually done this countless times before, especially at university! You’re going to be just fine like you always have been.