Ah, the one-night stand. A much talked about (and often elusive) night of pure unadulterated passion, a rite of passage for every Uni student, and a minefield of potential awkwardness and not-so-sexy safety worries. Here is Her Campus’ ultimate guide to a safe and sexy one-night stand!
The Theory: A night of no strings pleasure. No commitment, no expectations. And hey, with anonymity can come mind-blowing freedom.
The Reality – The Good: All qualities listed above. Casual sex isn’t for everyone, but it can be about doing what feels right in that moment, animal instinct and making yourself feel a whole lot better after a week of deadlines.
The Reality – The Bad: Do students have a false sense of security? Our little bubble can leave us feeling like the pitfalls of drink spiking and STIs don’t apply to us.
Erica Jong, now a cultural icon thanks to her honest and hilarious books, called the one-night stand a ‘Zipless F***’ and described it as followed: “The ‘zipless f***’ is absolutely pure. It is free of ulterior motives. There is no power game. The man is not ‘taking’ and the woman is not ‘giving.’ No one is trying to prove anything or get anything out of anyone. The zipless f*** is the purest thing there is.” (From the Fear of Flying, which incidentally sold a whopping 20 million copies).
Jong identified the pureness, freedom, and honesty of sex with someone you don’t really know, and don’t really care to know more about. From one insightful woman to another, Chelsea Handler makes this dead-on point… “I also feel it is important to have sex soon after meeting someone in order to find out if you have sexual chemistry together. Otherwise, you could wait two to three months after you start dating someone only to discover that your new boyfriend is bad in bed, or even worse, is into anal beads and duct tape.” Eek. Note to all: avoid at all costs.
Our seven-steps-to-heaven checklist for ensuring your one-night stand goes off without a hitch:
- After you’ve bagged your hottie, go to your place. You’ll feel more at ease in your own surroundings and get the big bonus of avoiding the dreaded walk of shame. Walk of shames are made worse when it’s -20 degrees outside and you’re wearing heels and needing to get to the other side of Lenton. Need more reasons? Didn’t think so.
- There’s no need for awkward exits. Have your ironclad excuse ready to go and don’t feel obligated to hang around for a probably sub-standard round two or stilted conversation over breakfast. Potential excuses include: 9am seminar, the aerial man coming round, parents visiting etc.
- Horrendously drunk? Can’t walk without tripping over? Swap numbers and call it a night. If the physical attraction was there tonight, it’ll most likely be there the next. Having one (or four) too many can lead to lapse in judgement and a recent Cosmo survey revealed that “29% of women got an STI after a night out drinking”. Other unpleasant side effects include massive gaps in memory, and in the case of two people I call friends, vomiting whilst receiving oral and falling asleep mid-sex. I have warned you.
- CONTRACEPTION! The magic word for one-night stands. You’ve heard the advice, seen the statistics and the nasty images of symptoms. When the boy or girl in your bed is long gone, the last thing you want is a nasty reminder (hey chlamydia) or a head hung with shame trip to Cripps.
- The Heartbreak – Breakups suck and having a one-night stand may seem like the sure-fire way to raise your self-esteem and exact revenge. The easiest way to get over one man is to get under another man, right? Well you’re probably going to feel like crap the next day and this is not what we want. Think about what you really want, and it might be that a one-night stand is better saved for when the wounds of the break-up are healed so you can enjoy it properly, with zero regret the next day. And in the wise words of Chelsea Handler (can you tell we love her yet?): “Even if times are tough and you’re enduring a terrible heartache, it’s important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.” Options ladies, options.
- Six degrees of separation – Ideally you don’t want to be getting off with a complete random who you don’t know a single thing about so telling your friends his name/where you’re going is just common sense. But, we’re talking about Nottingham, home of 34,000 students (this isn’t even including Trent), a place which can feel a whole lot smaller than that. A minimal number of mutual friends/chance of bumping into each other is the aim. No one wants to experience that awkward encounter avoiding eye contact on the 34 bus to campus.
- All hail Tinder and Grindr – The massive popularity of these sexy apps have shifted some massive spotlight onto casual encounters and one-off hook-ups. You can’t go a day on campus without talk of who’s been left or right swiped, or who’s off for a Tinder hook-up. The perfect procrastination tool.
Edited by Caroline Chan