Most of you will know what it’s like to be dumped. You’ve experienced that heart wrenching hollowness, accompanied swiftly by the Bridget Jones epiphany that you once again have the potential to wind up in spinsterhood village. Some of you know what it’s like to do the dumping. You’ve suffered the internal conflict of not wanting to hurt someone that you used to be madly in love with, whilst knowing that neither of you will really be happy until it’s finished once and for all.
It’s how we respond in dumping someone, or being dumped, that varies dramatically. This period is fundamental in our ability to go on and form future relationships. And one thing that’s absolutely certain is that we don’t always get it right. This week, we decided to investigate some of Nottingham’s worst dumping experiences. Prepare for some real horrors.
1. Trapped at His House
“My ex-boyfriend invited me round his house, as normal. I couldn’t drive at the time, but he said his Mum would be passing through my village so she could drop me home. When I got to his house he broke up with me (he had been planning to). I had to wait 2.5 hours at his house, broken up, for his Mum to take me home.
He then tells me when he walked me to my house that he’d changed his mind, and didn’t want to be broken up. An hour or so after getting home I checked Facebook; he’d ‘unrelationshipped’ me. We’d been together for just over 2 years and he dumped me 5 days before he went to Uni. Wonder why…
It was really complicated after that because we spoke loads and he basically couldn’t make his mind up. I eventually got bored of him and started immersing myself in my friends and work. He wanted to get back together and I said no. I really loved him, but I think if someone treats you that way then it’s a sign. He acted completely differently than he had throughout our entire two year relationship, and I think that’s really telling about someone’s character.
What made things worse is that I found out earlier last year that he’d shown people revealing pictures of me, but I have no idea where they came from. It makes me glad I said no. I found myself again after we broke up, just enjoyed being single and having no attachments. I just had fun with my friends.”
Verdict:
The Dumper – Really bad moves all round. Not only did he dump his girlfriend away from common ground, but she was then trapped with him for a long period of time afterwards. You both need an escape route in these situations and this is achieved best in a neutral setting. Beyond that he made the rookie mistake of not making up his mind. If you’re conflicted about dumping someone then make up your mind before you do it. It’s unfair to mess people about. As for showing personal pictures, well that’s just as low as it gets.
The Dumped – Almost the model image of how to react to being dumped. Not begging to be taken back and realising how much you’re worth has allowed her to remain in complete control. Saying no to a second chance at the relationship after being messed around shows great strength of character, and moving on by regaining independency and having fun with friends is the perfect answer.
2. “I’m Pregnant”
“So I met this girl on Tinder a while back. I know it sounds really sleazy and guys on Tinder don’t have the best rep, but it wasn’t just about dick pics and cheesy chat up lines. It’s kind of awkward now cause pretty much everyone you know is on it, but anyway that’s how we met. And things started moving really quickly.
About two months in I went back home with her to meet her parents. When we first got to her house, her parents weren’t there yet. We were sat upstairs in her room waiting for them to come back when she said “I’m pregnant”. I was like ‘what the f**k’. But then five seconds later she goes “Just kidding, I’m breaking up with you. But put it in perspective, it could have been worse.”
I then had to sit with her and her parents for a Sunday roast before I could go home that evening. It was the most awkward lunch of my life. Luckily I have a mate that lives near there so I managed to crash at his place before going home the next day, but yeah. Not an experience I want to repeat.”
Verdict:
The Dumper – Again, location and timing is completely off here. You need a mutual ground and that vital escape route, and there’s no way you should be brining someone home to meet your parents if you’re not 100% sure that the relationship is going to progress. Attempts at a joke or dry humour, such as the pregnant line, are not really appropriate, as they detract from the seriousness of what you are saying, though it depends on that person and how long you’ve been together as to how it will go down.
The Dumped – Made the right move in not staying the night, but could potentially have left before meeting the parents and putting himself through such an awkward lunch.
3. Stalker?
“It was supposed to be just a casual thing. That sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it? But it was something she was into as well. I’d broken up with my girlfriend pretty recently and she said she just wanted to experiment with her gay side, so I was up for that. We’d always made it clear that that’s all it was going to be. For a while it was fine, but then she started wanting to hang out a lot just the two of us. A couple of times she roped me in saying it was a group thing, then I’d turn up and everyone else would have ‘mysteriously cancelled’. I didn’t want a relationship, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings so I called it off before it got worse.
I texted her. I know it’s like the most taboo thing to dump someone over text. But it had been such a casual thing anyway and it hadn’t been going on very long, so I wanted to keep it toned down. Anyway my phone must have died in the night or something but the next morning I turned it on and found about 80 missed calls from her, no joke. On my call log thing, it was like every 2 minutes over an hour at one point.
I then got a series of texts from her, which I just ignored. I didn’t want to lead her on or anything and to be honest I was really freaked out. In one of them she even pretended to be texting another girl about their date that night. Then she sent another one like five minutes later admitting that she’d lied and she’d been trying to make me jealous.
I told my housemates after she randomly starting turning up at the house and they gave me so much s**t for it, but when I showed them my phone they started taking it seriously. It was only when I threatened her with getting the police involved that she finally left me alone. I felt really bad doing it, but I was genuinely scared by the end of it. It’s really put me off dating for a while.”
Verdict:
The Dumper – Admittedly there are much nicer alternatives than dumping someone over text. Face to face break-ups allow a greater sense of closure, and also enable you to get how you’re feeling out in the open, which would have really helped in this case. Keeping communication lines are key in any casual relationship, and if that was the agreement then breaking things off as soon as one of you forms an attachment was the right thing to do.
The Dumped – A perfect example of what not to do. A series of texts and calls emphasise your desperation and only make you appear less desirable. Rising above the circumstances and taking it on the chin will not only make you feel better, but will also most likely make your dumper think twice about their actions. It’s all about having confidence. Turning up on the doorstep is a BIG no, and behaviour bordering on stalking could end up getting you in deep water.
So there you have it – some of Nottingham’s worst dumping stories, and some tips on how to behave as both a dumper and someone who’s been dumped. At the end of the day, we’ve all been there, and it’s never going to be a pleasant experience, but there are definite steps you can take to make sure that you both move on from it with the potential to be much happier than before.
Sources:
A big thank you to all of our anonymous sources who sent us their break-up stories!
http://www.gurl.com/2013/06/13/what-getting-dumped-is-like-breakup-gifs/
http://imgur.com/gallery/RvXVzCn
http://gifsoup.com/view/2214771/friends-cheer.html
http://pixshark.com/facebook-stalker-gif.htm
http://guycodeblog.mtv.com/2013/05/23/dumped-gifs/
Edited by Nicole Jones