It’s difficult to banish an ex forever, particularly if you follow them on social networks, go to the same uni/college as them, or have several mutual friends. Perhaps the wonderful memories of moments you shared constantly replay in your mind, making it difficult to move on. The comfort and familiarly of being with an ex you can’t get over makes it almost excruciating not to send them a text, however, is it really a good idea?
Sending a message to your ex carries all kinds of risks. You could end up feeling hurt if they don’t reply or respond in the way you were hoping they would. There’s the possibility that you’re tempted back into a relationship that may not have been good for you. Also, you’re making it difficult for yourself to move on if you keep looking back. These are the types of text messages you shouldn’t be sending your ex in times of vulnerability:
1. Soppy Song Lyrics
It was cute when you were together, but really, hearing ‘your song’ on the radio doesn’t mean that it’s a sign to get in contact with your ex and attempt to rekindle that old flame. In reality, it’s just a coincidence.
2. “I miss you.”
There are so many reasons as to why this particular text is a very bad idea. Firstly, you probably don’t miss them. It’s likely that you probably just miss the way that they made you feel when times were good. You’re probably forgetting the times where you didn’t feel so good, and the times that led up to your break-up. When we focus too much on the good times, it’s easy to forget the reasons why you shouldn’t miss them. By admitting that you miss them, you’re putting yourself in an emotionally vulnerable position. Although it’s hard to resist, don’t let them know you miss them. What good can it do? Besides, missing them is all part of the process of moving on.
3. “I’m sorry.”
It’s okay to apologise if you genuinely mean it, however, using an apology in order to spark conversation with your ex isn’t a good idea. It sounds desperate, especially if you’ve apologised before. Do you really need to say sorry, and if so, do you mean it? Apologies are better done in person as you’re more able to communicate your genuineness. But it’s also good to remember that sometimes things go wrong for a reason. It’s good to apologise, but is it always the best idea to get back together afterwards?
4. “How have you been?”
What you really want to hear is, ‘I’m fine, just been missing you…’ And it’s only in very rare cases that this is the response you’ll get. In fact, you’ll probably get something along the lines of, ‘I’m alright. You?’ Sometimes, you’ll get nothing at all. The truth is, talking to someone about a life you’re no longer a part of is pointless. You shouldn’t care anymore, it’s probably better that you make the wise decision to move on.
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Edited by Georgina Varley