Sophomore year it’s all anyone talks about; questions and phrases like “Are you studying abroad?”, “Where are you thinking of studying abroad?”, “I’m so excited to study abroad!” and “OMG you have to study abroad – it’s the opportunity of a lifetime!” are still ringing in my ears. But the study abroad experience is not for everyone, and it certainly wasn’t for me! It just took me a little too long to figure that out.
I was jittery the weeks leading up to my flight to London. My bags were packed a week early, as always, and I was eager to get overseas and meet the people who I hoped would become good friends of mine over the next six weeks. I’m usually a pretty anxious person, so my family and I were similarly confused when I assured them, “I’m not nervous at all! Just excited!” I remember arriving at the dorm in London, walking into my room, meeting my roommates and absolutely loving them! They were so nice, the dorm was beautiful, I was ecstatic! Everything was going according to plan.
But over the course of the next three days during orientation, as the proposition of my mom and my sister flying home to New York at the end of the week grew closer, I began to grow anxious. It suddenly felt like everyone had friends and I was on the outside looking in, desperate to be included but not sure how to ask for it. Suddenly every interaction was a trial, my anxiety weighed down on me before meals and it took everything I had to send that text to see if people were going out. People were so nice and inclusive, but all I could sense was my insecurity. The next day, during lunch with my mom and my sister before they flew home, I broke down and told them how overwhelmed I was. We left the next day under the pretense of a family emergency.
Study abroad is a big commitment. Going overseas to a country that is completely foreign to you is not just scary, it’s terrifying. It’s something you need to really be ready for, not just convince yourself you’re ready for because everyone else seems to be. We all experience life at our own pace, and the pace of study abroad was just a little too fast for me, and that’s okay! Europe will still be there when I’m ready.
Coming into my junior year at Notre Dame my friend group was cut in half. Our tightly knit group of eleven McGlinn girls was cut down to five, with the six others spread across Europe: one in Copenhagen, one in Rome, three in London and one in Ireland. There were times when watching their adventures unfold that I regretted my decision – when I wished I had spent my summer weekends drinking sangria in Spain or Rome instead of being cramped in a photography studio. But then I remembered that the grass is always greener on the other side, and that it’s okay if spending months on end across the Atlantic ocean isn’t for you! It certainly wasn’t for me.
Photos 1, 2, 3 provided by author.
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