Anyone who knows me (or has heard me whine about the state of the 2015 Tampa Bay Rays) knows I’m a baseball fan. But in reality, I’m a sports fan in general. I’ve been known to watch competitive curling with the same fervor that I watch the World Series (okay, not really, but you get the idea). Naturally, I’ve been hooked to the NFL playoffs since they began. Unfortunately, the teams I supported quickly made an exit, some prematurely (I’m looking at you, Denver Broncos). I figured that many are in the same predicament, so I provided a handy guide to choosing your new favorite team (at least for the rest of the season).
Note: This isn’t a flowchart-style method of choosing your team, because there aren’t enough options and I’m not nearly that clever, but if you’re interested in those, check this out.
However, I will be providing pictures of each quarterback for all you Collegiettes to judge and compare their physical appearances. Because science.
New England Patriots
Unless you’re from the Boston area or dream of dating Tom Brady, DON’T root for the Pats. Rooting for the Pats is like painting every wall in your house the same shade of beige. Then painting the outside beige. And your fence. And your dog. Life is exciting! You can take risks! Take the training wheels off your bicycle! (Unless you can’t ride a bike. In that case, keep the wheels on. I’m not steady on a bike either).
Will they beat the Indianapolis Colts in the AFC Championship? Probably. In fact, I’m about 90% sure. Vegas odds say so too, with the Patriots’ moneyline currently at -270. (If you don’t know what that means, don’t worry, I don’t either. But they’re heavily favored).
In short, if you appreciate the innate thrill and excitement of professional sports, don’t root for the Patriots. And if you’re wondering if the Pats will have any fans left after my outspoken and heavily subjective dogma, don’t worry. Plenty of people want to date Tom Brady.
Seriously, look at him.
Indianapolis Colts
Ah, yes. I see you’ve decided to abandon the beige paint to join me on the rough, crazy side of sports. Supporting the Colts is a risk. It’s not that they’re a worse team on paper–in fact, the Colts led the league in passing and their defense is marginally better than that of the aging Patriots. The difference is experience and coaching. This is Andrew Luck’s first AFC Championship, and at age 25 he’s still learning a lot about playing pro ball. Tom Brady, on the other hand, has played in at least ten zillion Championship games (not an exaggeration), and has mastered the art of keeping calm under pressure. And no, Ray Lewis, we would still know who Tom Brady was without the Tuck Rule. Additionally, Bill Belichick is perhaps the greatest coach in all of pro sports, let alone the NFL. His knowledge of the game and of his opponents is legendary – don’t be fooled by his lack of charisma and his ugly hoodies.
Support the Colts if you love a good underdog story, if you believe in biting your nails as the last few minutes of a game tick by, if you regularly click ‘Accept’ without reading the Terms and Conditions. Just be prepared to accept a loss. Seriously, it’s a bit inevitable.
I’d like to say Andrew Luck’s beard was an improvement, but sadly, it wasn’t.
Seattle Seahawks
There’s nothing wrong with rooting for the defending champions. Seriously, there isn’t. Almost better than an underdog story is the tale of the repeat champs, rising to the expectations of just about everyone. Seattle is just as physical and aggressive as they were a year ago, their defense still ranked first in the league. Young QB Russell Wilson has only matured over the last year. In short, it’s no surprise that Seattle is favored to win this year’s NFC championship. But unlike the Pats, this team is likeable. The Seahawks, in their 43-8 blowout last year over Denver (don’t get me started on that team), proved that defense wins championships. Additionally, Wilson’s mobility and intelligence made him a QB far greater than his draft stock. If you root for the Seahawks, I won’t blame you.
However, banning cheese before the big game? Seriously?
Adorable and volunteers with children? Sounds like a winner to me.
Green Bay Packers
I live in the Chicago area, so I may get hate mail under my door for saying this, but I’m rooting for the Packers. Yes, despite my diatribe about underdogs and taking risks, and the fact that I’m hoping the Colts pull off the AFC upset, I want the Packers to win it all. And it’s all because of Aaron Rodgers.
For a variety of reasons, including a folk-rock concert and several batches of gingerbread cookies, the Packers-Cowboys divisional game was the only one I saw in its entirety. And boy, was it worth it. To see the injured Rodgers hobble about the field, having to make quicker decisions in the pocket in lieu of scrambling, finding open receivers late in the second half, then finally putting the belt on (or the Discount Double-Check if you watch commercials) after a winning touchdown pass – it was a performance that belonged in a Homeric epic. Okay, I’m exaggerating, but it was pretty great. To top it all off, the Seahawks-Packers matchup? It’s identical to the championship game from last year. Revenge!
Plus, I’m tired of old-timers calling Rodgers a ‘good replacement’ for Brett Favre. Rodgers is just as talented, if not more, and he’s humble to boot. Favre? Well, after a couple failed stints in New York and Minnesota, and his beard going gray, he’s now doing sock commercials. All Aaron needs is another super bowl ring to put him over the top.
Kind of has a down-home charm to him, don’t you think?
Whichever team you decide to root for, I hope all you Collegiettes enjoy these upcoming games. May the best team win!
Just… hopefully not the Pats.
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