Many of us have been in situations where a friend or loved one has struggled with their mental health on some level. We love them and want the best for them, but sometimes it’s hard to know what to actually do about it. It can be scary and weird. So, I thought I would use this space to share some tips and knowledge I’ve gathered over the years from my own relationships. Also, I’m not a professional, so if you are concerned about a friend or family member, there are lots of great resources you can look at for further information!
- Listen
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One of the best things you can do is be a great listener. Make them feel comfortable that they can share their thoughts, concerns or feelings with you. You might not agree with what they’re saying, but the most important thing is that you give them a space where they feel that they can openly share their thoughts without judgement. Talking through your thoughts and feelings can often help make them a little less scary.
- Validate
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Always acknowledge that their feelings are valid. This means that whether they are feeling sad or anxious, it’s really important that you make sure they know that their feelings are accepted and okay. It can be easy to try and dismiss or ignore their thoughts or feelings by saying that they are being irrational or overreacting, but in validating their feelings you are empathizing with them and accepting them and what they are going through.
- Be patient
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I think one thing that a lot of people misunderstand about mental health is that it’s not always easily identifiable. Sometimes people who are struggling with mental health can be irritable or angry, and they might even take that out on you. The best thing you can do in situations like this is to be as understanding and patient as you can. Sometimes, people get so anxious that they deal with it by being angry or lashing out at others. If someone is feeling anxious, try not to make them feel even more anxious by retaliating or making them feel like they are doing something wrong. You can make them feel less anxious by remaining calm and cool, and being a rational voice that might even help them.
- Ask questions
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Everyone talks about the ‘stigma’ surrounding mental health. It’s a tired phrase, but it’s so true. Talking about mental health can be incredibly uncomfortable and weird. I literally cringe at some conversations I’ve had to have in the past. But when you think someone you know is struggling with mental health, it’s really important to ask questions. Don’t just sit back and hope it figures itself out, or that someone else is helping them, because it won’t. If you don’t know what’s going on with your friend, ask them! It can be intimidating, but the only way you can be helpful is if you know what is going on in the first place. The only way to get rid of the awkwardness or scariness is to make an environment for open conversation. Give them time to answer. Give them space if they need it. Don’t grill them with a ton of questions. But also don’t take a back seat in your relationship because you don’t know what else to do.
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received on this is just to ask them what you can do to help. Ask them how you should check in on them, what makes them uncomfortable, what triggers them, etc. I really recommend this if you feel like you don’t know what to do or how to talk to them. It will make you feel a lot better.
Questions like “What’s going on with you?” and “How are you feeling?” can be great in some situations, and not so great in others. They’re open-ended, and allow the person on the other end some freedom to share as much or as little as they like. However, sometimes it’s easier for someone to hide how they are feeling than to share it with someone else. They might just respond with a simple “I’m fine” to shut down the topic. If this is the case, then try asking more specific questions to start a conversation.
- You’re not a therapist
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Unless you’re a therapist or doctor or whatever, you don’t know the exact, scientific way to go about this. Every person is different, so there is not really a right way to go about this. All you have to do is be the great person that you are. If you’re their friend, be their friend. If you’re their sibling, be their sibling. You don’t have to put pressure on yourself to always know the right thing to say or do. They need you to be a listener, and someone who can check in on them when they’re not feeling so great.
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