Family road trips have gotten a bad rap. Just press play on National Lampoon’s Vacation or my personal favorite, RV, witness the dysfunctional car ride from hell that ensues, and you’ll understand. Thanks to their portrayal in popular media, everyone knows the downsides to hours smashed in between two bickering siblings and possibly an overactive, slobbering dog if you’re lucky.
I’ve been there. I know the pain that comes with every “Are we there yet?” and the leg cramps that only get worse with every adolescent growth spurt. I’ve had my share of battles for elbow room and little brothers who downed too much Gatorade and “just couldn’t hold it any longer.” And I have a confession: I secretly love family car rides.
This holiday season, I’m here to advocate for everything good that family car rides bring. If nothing else, to make my own seasonal travels a little more bearable.
Your own personal concert
Road trips are the best time to reveal your secret DJ talents to your family, refined after a new semester of loud, dark dorm parties. The process is simple: Choose the best tracks your extensive Spotify playlist has to offer, lean as far back as the backseat permits, and watch smugly as your family crowns you the master of the aux cord.
That is, until your driver takes over with his “Best of the Oldies” playlist, signaling that it’s time to untangle your webbed mass of headphones. It’s not you, Dad; it’s hearing three slightly different versions of “Take on Me” that really did me in.
Catch up on sleep
Sleep is your best friend from high school whom you swore you’d keep in touch with throughout the school year. At first, you two stuck together like old chums. But as classes began to pick up speed, you started to spend less and less time with that familiar pillow and more time snuggled up with differential equations.
This car ride, you sleep-deprived college student, is the perfect chance to catch up with an old friend. Let the gentle bumps and curves of the highway rock you to sleep. Give it a neck pillow and 25 seconds, and soon you’ll be drifted off to sweet dreams of aced finals and minimal responsibilities.
Sketchy gas station adventures
Maybe it’s just an unfortunate gene in my family tree, but every car ride I’ve ever been on has included plenty of bathroom breaks. And, let’s be real, a rest stop is nothing without a questionable gas station on the corner of Nowhere Street in which to spend it.
You know the scene: lukewarm taquitos rolling around a rusty conveyor belt, a selection of “Proud Gun Owner” childrens’ t-shirts for sale up front, and quite possibly a few deer heads pinned on the wall. It smells vaguely of cigarettes and regret, stocked with shelves of random knickknacks that could keep three restless kids occupied for hours. It’s full to the brim of character and nothing short of awesome.
Cornfield appreciation
Have you ever really stopped to appreciate the splendor of a Midwestern cornfield, stalks swaying drunkenly in the wind like it’s late Friday night and “Wagon Wheel” just came on? Even if you’re one of the privileged to call the Great Plains your home, it’s unlikely that you have ever given these misunderstood crops the credit they deserve.
Now is your chance. Instead of staring blankly out of the window onto the rolling non-hills, try to see them in a different light. Suddenly farming becomes an unparalleled work of art, and you have found a new source of entertainment for hours to come. You’ll never look at corn the same boring way again.
Test your stomach (and your patience)
For any daredevils out there, a long road trip is the perfect opportunity to arm yourself with junk food and a New York Times bestseller and test your bodily limits. Many of us avoid reading in the car as to dodge dreaded carsickness, but you can add some excitement by facing your weak stomach head-on. Will you be the first family member to need a barf bag? Let’s find out!
If that’s not challenge enough, throw your endurance into the ring as well. Supply your youngest, rowdiest sibling with sugar and caffeine, and see how strong your patience actually is.
Making memories
Although our car rides occasionally get a little bumpy or venture into dysfunctional territory, they’ve also featured some of my family’s finest puns, inside jokes, and memories throughout the years. In all the change, these trips remain a constant.
We may outgrow our high school uniforms and security blankets, but we’ll never be too old to pile into the car for holiday travel, turned timeless tradition.
HCND Readers, what are some of your family travel traditions?
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