Want to look 10 years younger? I’ve found the product.
Revlon Super Lustrous Lip Gloss. I know what you’re thinking: slow down there crazy, slow down*. Isn’t lip gloss our most disdained beauty anachronism? And hey AnnaLee, I go to Notre Dame and can do math — why would I want to look ten years younger and rewind the clock to Middle School? Do you even remember our beauty standards back then — Lipsmackers? Ugly plastic chokers? And those truly revolting Lancôme Juicy Tubes? Really, where are you going with this?
Don’t worry darlings, I promise I won’t lead you astray.
Revlon Super Lustrous is the older, chicer, career-oriented yet carefree sister of those repugnant Juicy Tubes. Like most pint-sized pre-teens, I thought that piling thick Lanôme goo onto my lips was the height of style and would entrance all of the Middle School bros. I mean, it was French. And obviously the shiner my lips were, the cuter I was, right? Wrong. I still retain the embarrassing memory of my friend Vincent asking me why my mouth was soggy. But the real kicker was how Lancôme lip gloss had this unfortunate habit of re-creating the great diaspora and migrating to every corner of my face.
Hot.
In my old age of twenty-one I’ve wizened up enough to demand a lip color that is the antithesis of my Lancôme-powered glory days. I want something that’s long-lasting, non-migratory, moisturizing, and subtle without being completely translucent. At Notre Dame and in my everyday fun life, I’m 100% for bold, bright tones. That, however, is not always appropriate for work and internships, especially if I want to wear a more-defined eye that morning. Before my discovery of Revlon Super Lustrous I favored a more matte lipstick or chapstick in alternate states of boring or drying. Cue the deliverance of lip gloss into my pining arms.
Our chance meeting was the stuff of legends and sappy Taylor Swift songs. I was wandering the lonely aisles of CVS picking up some toothpaste when I noticed that their Revlon section had a new feature — lip gloss. I couldn’t stop myself from perusing because it was absolutely bizarre for lip gloss to be added to a display. I mean it’s a) lip gloss and b) drugstore lip gloss. Since when do drugstore brands ever work out for anyone? (Full disclosure: I’m vain enough to be that kind of person who saves up in order to build up and hoard my collection of MAC and Bobbi Brown lipsticks.) But I stopped dead in my tracks when I spied the perfect neutral color: Super Natural.
I have been searching for this color all of my life. That is not hyperbole. At this point I have at accumulated at least ten neutral lip-related things. Every single bad investment has either been exactly like chapstick, rendering my lips pale and vaguely waxy, or has yielded unexpectedly dark results. This lipgloss is like my natural shade but better – my lips as I’d describe them in my future online dating profile. The end result of a single swipe is a lightly pigmented shade, sheen but not shiny, that wonderfully complements either a smokey eye or professional makeup. Now many of you might inquire as to whether wearing lip gloss and not lipstick or chapstick to work is appropriate. I say it depends on your office and your comfort level. I’m a proponent because I think it defines your face and completes your look without drawing unwanted attention. Every time I apply it I kind of feel like Ryan Gosling is whispering in my ear “Hey girl, look at you. With that lip gloss, there isn’t a single Excel sheet you can’t automate.”
And I believe him.
*For those of you unfortunately unacquainted with Sassy Gay Friend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwnFE_NpMsE
To purchase: http://www.cvs.com/shop/product-detail/Revlon-Super-Lustrous-Lip-Gloss-Super-Natural-215?skuId=921696