The human mind really is a selfish son of a gun, isn’t it? From the moment that I began the application process for studying abroad in London, I have been thinking all about what a semester of travels could do for me and ONLY me. How would my experience make me more marketable to future employers? How many new friends would I make and what cool adventures would we go on together? How many more followers would I gain on Instagram with all my #scenic shots? These are actual questions that have been lurking at the forefront of my mind for months. Hardly ever did I think, “How will I emotionally handle being away from my family and friends while they continue to live their lives at home?” Turns out, that final question was the one I should have been dwelling on all along.
I missed reuniting with my friends after a long summer apart
That first week was hard. Watching all of my campus friends coming together again was a real challenge for me. They would send me Snapchats or blow up the group message and all I could do was watch their happiness unfold whilst sitting, staring at the Minion billboard directly outside my room, over 3000 miles away. It was hard, and as I continue to get updates from everyone, it doesn’t really get any easier. When I have fomo whilst on campus, it’s usually due to homework, so I have something to blame for my inability to be social. Here, however, I have no one to blame but myself, which only makes my internal monologue that much more dramatic and conflicted. Life would really be easier if I could be in two places at once.
I missed the first football game
All my friends that are reading this article, I hope you’re bracing yourself because I’m sure you never thought this day would come. Game Day was excruciatingly painful for me, and for the first time, not because I had been forced to stand on one leg for three hours straight. Football has never been my favorite part of the Notre Dame experience. I know this makes me sound crazy, but it’s just the simple truth. Game Day goes hand in hand with a spike in my anxiety and therefore, it’s never been something I have genuinely looked forward to. That said, watching everyone’s social media pages explode with a combination of Blue, Green, and Gold last Saturday was torture. I was missing tailgates, camaraderie, parties, laughter, and from the looks of it, pure joy. While no, I am sure come next year, I still won’t look forward to football season, I will definitely appreciate it for what it is: a jolly good time.
I missed an important event at home ~
My family is incredibly important to me. I love them with all my heart and keep in contact with them as much as possible, so when I found out a full 30 hours later that my Grandma had had a stroke, I was angry. How come I wasn’t informed immediately? Was she going to be okay? Did I need to come home?
Luckily, she is doing fine and there was no real need to panic, but receiving that news was truly something out of my worst nightmares. If I was back at Notre Dame, I could have hopped in a car and been at her side in a matter of three hours. However, the same option wasn’t available to me here. Had it been worse, I don’t know what I would have done. Never had I even considered not being able to be with a loved one in their time of need.
Living in London is honestly a dream come true. There is so much to see and explore and I have only scratched the surface of all the wonderful things this city has to offer. That said, I am very aware of everything I am missing out on back home. I love adventure, but I love my friends and family as well. As I continue through these next three months, I know I will continue to face the very real challenges that come from living far away from the people and places that hold my heart. At the end of this chapter, however, I know I will be ready to return to the Midwest and truly appreciate it for everything it has given to me over the years.
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Images: 1, 2, 4 all provided by author, 3 provided by Tara Kelly