Sex Worth Waiting For

To quote Gemma from Intimate Encounters: Can This Be Over Already? “life is way too short for bad sex.” I could not agree more. 

 

But I also have to say that you’re not going to find great sex sleeping with just anyone in college. Sure, we’ve all heard the lure about casual sex but I think you’re actually missing out on the real good stuff. As feminists, the idea of “choice” plays an important role. And although it’s true that women have the choice and freedom to sleep with whomever they want, it’s important to remember that only one man deserves to sleep with you.

 

The problem with casual sex is that there is no lasting fulfillment. You’ll always come up empty, you’ll always want more. When you commit yourself to one person, however, and they are committed to you, the glory of sex lasts long after the act. This idea of lasting gratification is the difference between pleasure and happiness. As motivational speaker Matthew Kelly says, “Pleasure cannot be sustained beyond the act that is providing it.” Happiness can. And what you should be looking for, what you deserve, is happiness. 

 

Happiness lasts longer than the cuddle afterwards. It lasts after you get out of bed the next morning. It lasts when they snore, fart, pick their nose, and leave the seat up. The sex that leads to happiness is the sex that is worth having. That is the sex you, as a woman, deserve. Stop selling yourself short. If you want to have sex with someone who isn’t lazy or bored, then have sex with a man who would die for you, who has died for you in the sacrifice of marriage. When a man has given you all of himself in marriage, there’s no holding back—there is no room for apathy! Now that’s not to say that some husbands don’t love their wives as they should. But just as you would demand some college guy to give you a little effort, you could also demand that the man you marry is a man that would give you everything: all of his effort, all of his devotion, all of himself. 

 

So many of the things that we worry about (unplanned pregnancy, being used, being cheated on, being uncomfortable with our bodies) are easier to avoid if we’re saving sex for the one man who vows to treat us right. So what’s keeping us from waiting for him? 

 

Sex feels good, right? And what’s beautiful is that anatomically speaking, females enjoy sex for the mere purpose of feeling good – unlike a man, whose pleasure is needed for procreation. So that’s kind of neat! But if we can harness that desire for pleasure and focus the energy in other areas of our life (desire to travel, desire to succeed, desire to make a difference, etc.), we can better avoid the temptation to have unfulfilling sex.

 

Well, maybe he’s not worthy yet. He’s probably struggling with purity right now, too, and we can do two things to help him out:

1. Demand respect from every guy you meet: friends, brothers, classmates, teammates. They’re going to be someone else’s future husband.

2. Pray that your future husband makes good choices. He’s probably facing the same temptation that you are. He could use a little help getting through these times and making himself worthy for you.

 

This is true. Marriage isn’t in the plans for all of us. But the single life is a beautiful thing as well, full of adventure and freedom. This doesn’t mean that single people should have meaningless sex; they still deserve more than that, and their fulfillment will be found in the impact they can make on the world.

 

Well that’s just not true. Regardless of any past mistakes, the commitment to changing your future is what really counts. You are a person to be sought after. You are beautiful.

 

But I’m not an expert on sex. I can’t tell you what position to try when a guy isn’t very good, and I can’t tell you how to make up an excuse to get out of it, and honestly I can’t tell you what to do with your sexuality. I can tell you, however, that you are worthy of the best sex this world can offer. And I think that kind of sex is worth waiting for.