So I didn’t get acne until my freshman year of college. My skin was all like “oh so you’re finally going to a co-ed school and seeing boys on a regular basis? I got you girl, I know a way for you to become extra-attractive.”
It was the best.
After a few years surviving with noticeable but not medical acne, I’ve devised a few ways to avoid having to slather on a pound of foundation.
I’m not going to talk about products or medication because, honestly, I’m so tired of them and because you probably have six different face washes already. Instead, I’m going to go through some obvious and obscure lifestyle practices to help you looking hot for all those wonderful ND boys who think we’re all “8’s on the ND scale.” God, I love our gender dynamics here.
Forget that. Here are some real motivations for clear skin: It’s less time consuming to get ready in the morning. It’s less expensive to buy fewer products. And for seniors, it’s interview season and we need to be damn flawless to get hired in this economy.
Okay let’s get down to business:
1. Be hygienic.
Cool, you wash your face. Maybe apply some toner. And non-clogging lotion. And sunscreen. You clearly know how to take a shower. I’m bored already. Want to up your skin game? Clean your stuff. Acne is caused by bacteria and obviously ignoring the shady matter around your mascara tube is terrific for your skin.
Things to clean:
Clean your pillowcase on a regular basis.
Clean your makeup. Seriously. All that crusty residue around your BB cream? Obliterate it. Soap is your God now.
Clean your makeup brushes– they touch your face on a daily basis.
Make SURE to clean your hands before applying your makeup. You know what they say: if you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball. No, wait, sorry: If you clean your hands before eating, you can clean them before applying various pastes to your pores.
And if you want to go for the gold – clean your makeup case. Your face is your patient, you are the skilled surgeon, and your surroundings are your OR. Sterilize that stuff.
2. Don’t be lazy.
Look, I know that taking off makeup is a pain. And incredibly difficult when gracefully toppling into bed after a reasonable night out at Fever. Don’t be that person. You’re better than that. If you can manage to drunk text that random kid in your giant elective class, you can take off your makeup. Invest in Neutrogena wipes- they’re gentle, easy, and effective. Wrench open the packet, extract a towelette, swipe it all over your gorgeous face, pass out. Gold star for you, you did it.
3. Put down the candy.
The candy wall in LaFortune is your personal ‘Nam now. Think of each delicious bin as an active face grenade. Because it is: Sugar is bad for you across the board.
I know, I know, ND is stressful! AND SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT SOME CANDY IN THIS CRUEL WORLD. I get that. I really do. I went to France last semester and ate my weight in sugar. It was glorious. And I had awful skin.
One of the first things I did when I got home was break up with dessert. Like every horrible boyfriend, I thought I needed it, I thought it made me happy, I thought I could never forget it. But time heals all sugar fixations and after a difficult month, I swear to you I don’t crave dessert anymore- and this is from the girl who had a pain au chocolate every single day for four months. My skin cleared up and I no longer feel like a giant puff pastry, which is always good.
And that’s it. I have imparted all the knowledge I can to you. Now go forth and shine like the radiant Domer you are.