Hey HCND! It’s-a me, Mario! Ready to start your next paper?
Level one: getting organized. What are the requirements for this paper? What’s your thesis? How many sources do you need, and which quotes best support your thesis? Answer all of these questions and come up with your game plan for tackling this paper now, so that you don’t have to backtrack five pages into your essay.
Level two: finding the proper motivation. Nothing is less appealing than opening a Word document and typing electronically generated letters, combining those letters into words, words into sentences, and sentences into paragraphs. You’ve rather get hit by a blue shell in Mario Kart.
Put away your phone. Close Facebook. Take a deep breath. Open that Word Document while internally screaming; you will get through this.
Level three is the COFFEE phase (wahoooo!). Once you’ve already come up with your main ideas, coffee is a great beverage for kickstarting and maintaining a steady flow of typing. It helps provide energy for doing what can most politely be called busywork.
Now that you’ve powered up on coffee, you are a typing machine that makes logical, beautiful arguments for your thesis left and right. Nothing can stop you now; you’re invincible!
Level four is what I like to call the bullsh*t (pardon my French) level. This phase kicks in once you realize you can’t coherently discuss “ways to defeat Koopas” for fifteen pages, and your deadline is only an hour away. Cue the double-time theme music!
Let’s be honest: most of the content of the average college paper is filler to make the word/page count. Type like the wind! Beat the clock!
Finally, the time has come to submit your paper. Another deep breath needed here. With great uncertainty of the resulting grade, you press “upload” and submit your latest explosion of coffee-induced literature to your professor.
Congratulations, you made it through yet another trial by writing! Celebrate with the princess until your next boss (paper) approaches! Mamma mia!
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