As a sophomore who had her freshman year taken up by COVID, I’ve found that this year I’ve had to go through a lot of the learning curves you typically experience in your first year of college. This includes everything from balancing academics with social life, embracing the phenomenon that is ND tailgating, and dating. And let me tell you- when it comes to the dating culture here, I am absolutely bewildered. I seem to have acquired a repertoire of interesting experiences that haven’t made me hopeless per se, but instead have made me question what kind of energy I’m putting into the universe. I’ll save my bizarre stories for another day.
I would also like to preface that I am not necessarily looking to engage in the “ring by spring” spectacle, but I have been going on a couple dates, just keeping an open mind. I’m also only nineteen and haven’t been in a relationship in two and a half years, so I have a lot to learn. My dad always says that you date people to figure out what you like and what you don’t like, and I guess I’m adopting that mantra. These are some of the things I have learned this semester when it comes to boys and dating in general.
- Things are only awkward if you make them awkward.
- My friends will tell you that I probably say this at least once a week when they’re asking for advice in their own dating lives. I stand by this 100%, even though it can sometimes be hard for me to stick with, too. As a society, we spend so much time so concerned with what others think of us out of fear of being judged. This leads us to holding ourselves back because we don’t want to engage in situations that may be deemed “awkward.” We don’t put ourselves out there and as a consequence, we potentially miss out on great outcomes. Is it awkward to ask the boy in your lecture for his number? Sometimes. Is it awkward walking up to the dining hall to meet your date for dinner? Definitely. But I think that awkwardness is just part of life, and it can also be a mindset. If we go into something thinking that it is going to be weird, then it probably will be. Even if it’s just a “fake it ‘til you make it” mindset, tell yourself that it’s not a big deal. Embrace that awkwardness; chances are, the other person is having the exact same worries.
- Just because he kisses you, doesn’t mean he likes you in that way.
- The fact of the matter is, some people are just looking to hookup and aren’t interested in pursuing any kind of committed relationship. That’s a whole topic in and of itself, but for now I’ll just say that I believe there is nothing wrong with either lifestyle…you just have to really reflect on what it is you want out of the dating scene. And you have to know that the person you are interested in might not be looking for the same thing you are. (Side note: we talk about hookup culture a lot in my Drunk on Film class, so if you’re interested in this topic, check it out!).
- Remind yourself that education comes first.
- Do! Not! Miss! Class! To! See! A! Boy! I feel like because we are at ND, not many people are skipping class left and right, but I’ve encountered a few guys who don’t seem to prioritize their learning the same way I try to. You obviously can’t be holed up in Hesburgh forever, but still take your education seriously. Don’t let anyone distract you from any goals you want to achieve. The right person for you will understand and hopefully have important goals of their own.
- Communication is key.
- This has always been and will continue to be SO true. No more of this high school pettiness when it comes to relationships. One of the things I am most thankful for in college is that I learned how to have some of those tough conversations with people when it comes to dating. I’ve had to let boys know how I’m feeling (gross), had to deal with the rejection of them not feeling the same, had to turn guys down and had to call people out. And all of this can easily be handled in a mature way; the conversation might not be easy, but you have to explain where you’re coming from. If you don’t, bottled up feelings only lead to hurt on both sides. I’ve made the mistake of not being upfront with guys and as a result have lost people that were once friends. Just be honest- it’s better in the long run.
- Don’t lower your standards.
- Keeping an open mind is not the same thing as lowering your expectations. You have the freedom to do what you want, but don’t do it at the expense of compromising who you are or what you want because you don’t think you can find better. After going on dates with different kinds of people, I’ve begun to realize what it is that I deserve in a relationship. This is a good thing to keep in mind when you actually want to pursue any kind of committed relationship with someone.
As you can see, there is a lot that goes into dating at Notre Dame. A lot of good, a lot of bad, but all important experiences. I don’t think I will ever be an expert, but I’m sure I’ll have more to share in the future. For now, I’m just having fun, working hard and being myself; at the end of the day, that’s what college is all about. If dating is included in that for you, then great; if not, it’s not a big deal, either. Do what you’re comfortable with, and remember that a big part in the journey of finding your person is making mistakes and engaging in learning experiences.