Like most people, high school was not my favorite time. In fact, I spent most of those four years thinking about how excited I was to graduate and get out of the city I had lived in for my whole life, seeing the same faces every single day since childhood. On top of that, I had a few best friends but never belonged to a solid friend group. I imagined my life in college to be magical and amazing—I thought I would suddenly gain newfound wisdom upon completing the 12th grade that would make everything I ever wanted in life come easily and erase the problems of yesterday. I was sure I would make amazing friends quickly and feel happier than I had ever before by finally going to college. As a second-semester freshman in college now, I can now definitely say I was wrong. And to my fellow freshmen who are currently feeling this way, I have some advice to offer!
- Try not to focus on how lonely you feel
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My first few weeks (…and months, let’s be honest) of college were lonely and disappointing as I struggled and wondered why I could not seem to make friends; meanwhile, friend groups were forming all around me. Everyone I saw seemed to be having a ton of fun, whether they were going out to a party, eating at the dining hall or just studying with their friends. Watching people have fun only magnified how sad I was. I wanted so badly to share in those experiences, and simply just to feel less alone. Yet, the more I thought about my loneliness, the more lonely I felt. When I decided to stop focusing so heavily on these negative feelings, and instead started putting myself into social situations more or just finding productive uses of my time, things began to improve.
- Spend less time in your room and more time in public places
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Last semester, if I was feeling down one night, I would go sit in the parlor of my dorm hall while doing work. There was almost always at least one other person there to talk to, which made me feel better—even if we were just making small talk. Otherwise, I would try studying in the library or LaFun. It was surprising how many people I would run into in those places, many of whom were once acquaintances but I then befriended upon striking up conversations with them there.
- Talk to people in your classes
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Reaching out to people in your classes can be intimidating at first, but you can meet some of your very best friends there. In the fall, I always found it very hard to muster up the courage to introduce myself to people in my classes because I wasn’t sure if they would want to talk to me or if I would be bothering them. Then I started to think: how would I feel if someone just randomly struck up a conversation with me? Would I be weirded out? The answer was no. In fact, I felt eager to talk to new people; and chances are, you’ll end up talking to someone who is in the same boat as you are. Don’t be afraid to go for the “Notre Dame Introduction”—it’s a better time than ever, even, since the new semester = new classes = a fresh start.
- Form study groups
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This is an even greater reason to practice the tip in #3. Besides being a great study method, study groups are a great way/excuse to hang out with people from class that you’d like to get to know better outside of the classroom. If you enjoy it, you can even make it a recurring thing!
- Try out a new club or intramural sports
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Though it may seem cliché, joining a club or sport is a great way to find new people, namely because you all are there for the same reasons: you want to have fun, make friends and you are interested in the sport/club/topic.
- Go to parties and actually socialize
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Hear me out…I’m not saying you’re going to meet your BFF at Swim House. I know parties can often not be fun. I know they can often be terrible. In fact, I mostly avoided parties last semester because I hated the superficial conversation I couldn’t seem to get past when meeting new people, the music that made it too loud to converse, the sweating…Okay, I think you get my point. What I’ve realized, though, is that the types of parties you go to make a big difference regarding whether you’ll like it or not. I am more of a “hangout” person rather than a “party” person. More laid-back parties do exist, and you can find cool people at them. Just give it a chance!
- Practice self-care and do things that make you happy on your own
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Finding healthy ways to occupy your time is the best way to distract yourself if you’re feeling sad or lost. Look for a new hobby or interest! Schedule your days more by picking up new extracurriculars (#5) or setting aside time to complete certain tasks throughout the day. For example, I’ve started working out regularly and have noticed that it’s made me more productive, made me feel happier as well as more accomplished. I’ve also started eating better, more balanced meals and have noticed a big difference in my mood. This in turn makes me feel more confident and more sociable. I feel like caring for your physical well-being is one of the most crucial but often ignored steps when it comes to improving your mental state.
- Be patient
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No one wants to hear that it will “take time”— especially not an impatient person like me. The truth is, though, that nothing happens overnight and you can only do so much before letting time handle the rest. Trust and know that everything will be okay and that your people are out there—it just may be a matter of waiting to meet them!
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