Intimate Encounters: Going the Distance

Gemma Daniels Student Contributor, University of Notre Dame

ND Contributor Student Contributor, University of Notre Dame

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Notre Dame chapter and does not reflect the views of Her Campus.

Some of you, like me, are seniors and will be graduating soon. And some of you, unlike

me, are going to be in long distance relationships come graduation. And for those of you already

in a long distance relationship, this one’s for you too. I’ve done it before. It sucks. The three

times I’ve tried it didn’t work out. Note: this is not to discourage you from doing it or be

apprehensive about it. I just have such an addictive personality and I’m so needy when it comes

to physical contact that I couldn’t stick through it. But for those of you strong enough to do it,

you’re going to have to ﬁnd a way around the geographical barrier one way or another.

Phone sex and Skype sex are the weirdest things to me. Ever. Phone sex makes me

think of a call service where dirty old men dial in and pay a dollar a minute to have some young

struggling actress who is just trying to pay her bills act out one of their kinky fantasies. I know

people in the phone sex industry, and I’ve heard horror stories of men wanting to act out rape

scenes, bestiality, and other messed up scenarios. Skype sex is just… awkward. Trust me on

this: there is no good angle via webcam. You haven’t seen your partner in a while, and you’re

trying to look hot, and when you ﬁnally ﬁnd a good angle that doesn’t make your boobs look like

pancakes, you realize he can probably count every dimple of cellulite on your thighs. No bueno.

This is part of the reason why I hate the porn industry— I shouldn’t have to feel like Jesse Jane

every time I want to get off with my boyfriend, but there’s the millennial sex generation for you.

My last guy I was with long distance was really into Skype sex (a very visual creature, if you

will), so I mastered the art of FaceTiming and only showing him a little at once. It was great

because I had complete control over what he got, so besides the sex there was a power rush of

holding the upper hand. But we eventually broke up and I got over the habit because I was

never really that into it to begin with. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to recreate that dynamic with

another partner because it was so speciﬁc to that relationship, but it got us through the long

months of distance without exhausting our porn options. Seriously, watching porn can be so

boring when you’re doing it on the regular.

What I personally ﬁnd to be the most helpful for long distance is sending naughty texts

throughout the day (this works for non long distance relationships as well!). Tell him that you’re

thinking about him, and what you would do to him if you were there, and how you can’t wait to

get home and fantasize about him… If you’re racy enough to send some naughty pictures too,

go for it. I’ve had some bad experiences with nudes in the past so I opt out of them, but if that’s

your thing, more power to you. If your relationship is comfortable enough to be doing long

distance in the ﬁrst place, you clearly know each other pretty well. You know what turns him on.

You know what he likes. So get him revved up. Have him give you a call when he’s done and

have him describe what the experience was like for him. I don’t want to hear you do your

business over the phone. There’s nothing less attractive than a man making animal noises over

the phone while he’s doing his thing. But hearing about it in retrospect keeps some of the

mystery there. You’re part of the process, but you don’t have to deal with the awkward moments

via phone or Skype. At the end of the day, though, each couple is different and you know what

works best for you.

And either way, nothing beats the real thing.

Xx, Gemma

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Intimate Encounters: Going the Distance

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