This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Notre Dame chapter.
I am afraid that I will be single forever. There, I said it. This isn’t something that my friends would expect of me. In fact, one of my guy friends once likened me to an Amazon, bending the shape of the world to fit her will. I should like to believe him, but you know, even queens get scared sometimes. You see, I have standards, high standards, of what I think I want in a man but I have been told that I am too free-spirited to be in a relationship, and moreover, I am too intimidating to most guys.
My friends tell me that they cannot imagine me in relationships because I am too independent to need anyone. Well, I never thought that I needed anyone, I simply want someone that I want to be with. But independent women need love too! Just because I am okay with being single and know-how to be single does not mean that I want to be forever. When did not needing anyone become a qualifier for ‘shouldn’t be in a relationship’? I never want to be with someone because I need him, but rather because I do not want to be without him. The lamentations of my friends are that a man wants to feel needed. Well, unfortunately, I do not make a habit of needing to be with someone. The best of relationships are built on mutual understanding, and respect, not dependency. So yes, I am independent, but that does not make me un-dateable.
As to my personality being too intimidating, that really is too bad that some men find me that way. I cannot, however, apologize for what I am. For all intents and purposes, I am more complicated than most girls I know. I am bold, a bit too much so at times, tenacious to a fault, and a bit fanatical. I am caring, not necessarily nice, and I am not afraid to tell give my opinion. I am not mean, not in the least bit, and I would do almost anything for people I care about but does my unwillingness to be passive aggressive really turn guys off? In all honesty, I believe that my confidence does intimidate some men. I have had guys tell me this before. What must I do, be more quiet? Malleable? I cannot, in good faith, do everything that goes against my nature to serve the needs of someone who insecure enough to be intimidated by my confidence.
You can imagine how frustrating it must be to be told that you personality is not conducive to relationships. This used to bother me to no end but I figured it out. I am not meant to be single forever, I am meant to be with a very different kind of guy. Everyone else needs to stop trying to make me into the image of what they believe a woman should be. The lesson to be learned is that we are all inherently different from each other. Trying to mold our friends into our image to ensure their success in love will not work simply because we are all meant to be with different kinds of people.