Taking a good hard look at yourself and recognizing and saying you need to make a change is hard. Last semester I was in the biggest rut of my life, and I felt like I would never make it out. Getting out of bed to go to class was nearly impossible, and even finding the motivation to go see friends became a chore. By the end of the semester… my mental health had reached an all-time low.
This summer, after finally getting over the denial that something was actually wrong, I decided I needed to make a change. I finally decided to make my personal growth a priority. After lots of reflection, it became really clear what exactly caused my mental health to suffer so much. Lots of my personal stuff I had little-to-no control over so I had to learn to be okay with that. Other things I had lots of control over, but that responsibility and agency terrified me.
One of the hardest actions I took this summer was finally deciding to switch out of a major I felt trapped in. Don’t get me wrong, neuroscience will forever be one of the coolest things in the world to me, but I just knew I didn’t want to be a doctor anymore. I was paralyzed by the fear of disappointing my parents and everyone who never hesitated to remind me how proud of me they were, and if we’re being honest, I was scared of disappointing myself. I swore I was going to become this hot-shot surgeon when I was 10 years old, and it suddenly felt like I was quitting. Yet, when I finally told my family I wanted to switch out, although they asked lots of questions and had some trouble understanding it all at first, they were ultimately so supportive and made it clear that they’d support me in whatever career that would make me happy.
Now, I know that taking charge of my life and what I wanted to study was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself. Granted, the complete uncertainty that comes from switching out of pre-med is terrifying, but it’s also kind of fun? Sure, I may not have the next 12 years of my life planned out, but I really think that’s okay. Now I can do something crazy like decide I want to live in Spain for six months (at least that’s what I’m telling myself), or just spend the next 12 years growing in a career I’m actually really passionate about.
I’ve started this semester by making it a point to take care of myself, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this GOOD. I have a planner that I write my life in and I’ve never felt so responsible and on top of everything. I took it upon myself to go to counseling now to make sure I never let my mental health get out of hand again. I stretch most mornings, I do a facemask twice a week and I get ready to happy music to get me in the right mood for my day. I’m really excited for what all of these changes mean for me. I’m excited for what the future holds for me. And I’m so happy that I finally decided to prioritize me again. I hope you’re prioritizing yourself, too.
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Photo 1 attributed to author and Photos 2 and 3