How to (not) Write a Paper

The Pre-Writing Process (2 weeks out)

1. Receive assignment

2. Ignore assignment

3. Lose sheet in backpack for a week

4. Be reminded of the paper assignment

5. Choose a topic

6. Forget that you chose a topic

7. Remember that you chose a topic

The Writing Process (the day before)

1. Create a writing playlist

2. Write a thesis statement

3. Go grab a snack as a reward

4. Run into a friend in the kitchen

5. Talk about Thanksgiving plans with said friend

6. Remember you have a paper to write

7. Make coffee because it’s 10 PM

8. Write a page and a half

9. Check Twitter

10. Get angry at the world

11. Calm down

12. Write two more pages

13. Realize it is 1 AM

14. Go take a walk to stave off sleepiness

15. Write all but the last page

16. Decide that can be done if you wake up at 6 AM

17. Sleep

18. Wake up at 7:30 AM and furiously write the last page

The Revising Process (an hour before class)

1. Delete all random notes to self in all caps

2. Give the paper a real title, not PAPER DUE TOMORROW

3. Skim it for coherency

4. Make sure you wrote  some citations

5. Change how you broke up a paragraph to make it look aesthetically better

6. Print

7. Realize you spelled the title wrong

8. Re-Print

9. Staple

Done!

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• paper
• research
• writing